Met Ball 2016: The Bad!

You take the good, you take

THE BAD

Amy Schumer!

Oh dear god. First of all, if people were constantly discussing MY body, I would never wear a gown that looks like I hulked out of it and had to pin it together. Secondively, the chains look low-rent (which I don't get because they are seriously the exact same chains as Taraji Henson rocked at the 2015 Emmys). Thirdly, the bag and shoe combo is deadly poison. Girl, the call is coming from inside the dress. Get out of there.

Margot Robbie!

This is deeply boring and it's too big on her. Kind of dig the bracelets of submission, but other than that it looks like she woke up from a too-long nap and did a reenactment of the first 5 minutes of Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Rachel McAdams!

You can tell how old Rachel's dress is by counting the rings. This would be a very fashion-forward costume design for Cinderella's Mother in Into the Woods. (That's an exceptionally specific musical theatre comment. I think it's great but your milage may vary.)

Tavi Gevinson!

Not only terribly underdressed but in this dress? Kids these days.

Alicia Vikander!

This decoupage disaster makes Tavi's dress look extremely high fashion. GURL WUT.

Chloe Grace Moretz!

One of the more unflattering gowns of the evening.

Ciara!

Another one of the more unflattering gowns of the evening. Hair is killing it, though.

Kate Bosworth!

And then Kate Bosworth showed up dressed as a medieval goblet.

Dakota Fanning!

My audition for the sequel to The Craft starts NOW goddamnit!

Sienna Miller!

This looks like an overly fussy Christmas gift. The booby bow is the finishing touch. Happy holidays!

Amber Valletta!

Poor Amber Valletta. Same hair and earrings as Kim Kardashian and a less-dramatic peacock interpretation than Zoe Saldana. But wait: do you see the mesh face/breathing hole in her torso? Maybe this is someone wearing an Amber Valletta costume?  IT COULD BE TRUE.

Elle Fanning!

I call this look My Sister's Prom Gown.

Freida Pinto!

I'm pretty sure I saw this smock in a Jonestown documentary. Whatever you do, Freida, do not consume any beverages!

Naomi Watts!

And that's what it looks like when a disco ball contracts HPV. 


Rose Byrne!

Oh girl, oh no. No no no.