Met Ball 2016: The Meh!

My dear readers, I hope you are somewhere comfortable. We have a LOT of Meh today. Let's dive in shall we?

THE MEH

Allison Williams!

I was very close to loving this, but the more I looked at it, the more it looked like wallpaper one might purchase from a Delia*s catalogue.


Selena Gomez!

Speaking of Delia*s, I'm pretty sure everything you see here was sold there. She looks great, it's just not the right look for the event.


Naomie Harris!

Excellent gown, gorgeous fit. Unfortunately she's a year too late theme-wise.

Cindy Crawford!

Totally on-theme, hugely unflattering.

Jessica Chastain!

This is so frustrating! Loving this silhouette and color for her, but the furry baseboards on this dress look like something out of a pinterest fail, and it's just not the right look for this year's gala. 

Taylor Swift!

Punk was the theme in 2013. This is what she wore then:

Somebody get me a time machine and a garment rack. I think these looks should switch.

Kerry Washington!

Classiest hooker in the wild wild west.

Kris Jenner!

....and the madam of the brothel. 

Katie Holmes!

Guys, why does Katie Holmes always appear to be melting?

Kate Upton!

The less interesting version of what Zendaya had going on.

Karlie Kloss!

The trying-too-hard version of Naomi Campbell's look.


Kendall Jenner!

And the less successful version of Alessandra Ambrosio's macrame...situation. Now, I hear you wondering why this is not in the Bad since it is the sartorial equivalent of a sack meant for the carrying of oranges or similar and I don't disagree with you. The thing is, this is a provocative dress perfectly executed. I appreciate the work that went into making this look happen as well as it did, and so it rests in the Meh.

Hailee Steinfeld!

It's drooping up top, making the fit in the torso look off, and the fit in the bottom seems to be just a skosh snug. This is the wrong necklace for this look, and indeed I am not digging this color gold as accent. I see how everything works on paper, but the execution is wanting.

Emily Ratajkowski!

Beautiful model wears long piece of fabric, story at 11.

And now I present to you the parade of absolutely beautiful gowns that are far too tame to be on the red carpet at the Met Ball!

Mindy Kaling!

Great (boring) look for her. Could Use a Necklace.

Misty Copeland!

I would call this "just okay." CUAN.

Blake Lively!

From the annals of Natalie Portman pregnancy couture, I presume. 

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley!

Looks amazing! Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Uma Thurman!

Snoozefest.

Emily Blunt!

Beautiful, but standard.

And thus concludes the gowns that are fantastic but on the wrong red carpet.

Zoe Saldana!

She is the best goddamn peacock at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala. Who the hell are you? Nobody.

Anna Wintour!

I am consistently embarrassed by what Anna Wintour wears to the Met Ball. However, at least this one fits her well.

Kim Kardashian (seen here with Kanye West)!

I totally see what she is going for but I want more out of the skirt. The breastplate armor up top is seriously cool and very strange and then it's just sort of basic Vegas on the bottom. I think she could have gone further. As for Kanye... well, we'll get to him later.