Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Golden Globes Rundown 2016: The Meh!

You know there are always the most MEH in any red carpet. I know people are trying but sometimes it just doesn't make the mark. These are those people. And there are lots. Buckle up!


Brie Larson!

She seems absolutely lovely, right? Unfortunately this gown looks like it weighs a ton and she did nothing to convince me otherwise. I felt like I watched her melt throughout the night, taken down by the weight of her beads. I'm not personally a fan of the cutout gowns, but it looks like we'll have to live with them for a minute. At least we got rid of the sheer skirt over granny panties trend, right? Right? Guys?

Jennifer Lawrence!

Speaking of cutouts, here's another one. I have to say, I don't hate this dress but I have two quibbles. Quibble #1: How is this dress worn? I was so distracted everytime I saw it trying to figure out how it went on her body that I missed what was actually happening. Quibble #2: It doesn't fit very well. That's why she's really here. A very fashion forward take on the cutout trend but it's a bit too big on her.

Rachel McAdams!

Ugh, girl, stop. Great silhouette for her, but bad colors for her complexion and nonexistent styling. This is making me sad.

Saoirse Ronan!

Let's fix it. The dress is really great (<3 capes <3), but everything is off. Let's see this in a dusky rose or royal purple. The hair is too sleek - let's see something like what Kate Winslet or Jaimie Alexander did with their hair - that is to say put some curl, some height, some wind in it. Bolder lip, brighter eye, bigger ring. Basically change everything and then I'll love it.

Lily Tomlin!

How shocking to see Lily Tomlin in a gown! It's a GREAT gown, too, but she needs a big ass necklace, a different bag, and maybe a leave-in conditioner. And for real, I thought that was a coordinated travel mug in her hand, not a bag. Oh man, though, this dress, right? So fantastic on her.

Amber Heard!

Cool dress, good (not great) styling. It's the neckline that puts this into Meh for me; it's not bad it's just concerning. It looks like the dress is rising up to slowly strangle her. 

Bryce Dallas Howard!

Yes, I know, I know, she bought it herself! In Neiman Marcus! She's a size 6! Everything is amazing! Except the actual dress looks like mother of the bride mermaid skin and her hair looks like she's ready for her job interview at a really cool nonprofit. It fits great and she seemed very happy and comfortable all night, but eh, it's just not lighting me up.

Lola Kirke!

Those shoes and that makeup go together with a different dress and hair (the bangs are a lot, so go updo). That makeup and that dress could go together with different hair (omg please). That dress could be okay in emerald green. I mean, so many elements are right, just not together.

Taraji P. Henson!

For real, you guys, I could have watched a whole show of Taraji posing on the red carpet. She was GOING FOR IT and I love that. Also, Cookie brought cookies for everyone when she won and that was hilarious. I think this is just fine, but not awesome. There's no challenge here - it's a column gown with a cape/train and really, anyone could wear that. Taraji needs more gown; she can definitely pull it off. Her entire head is amazing, so no complaints there. CUAN.

Bernadette Peters!

Oh, Bucketmouth. I mean, I love you, you're timeless and gorgeous, and it's not a bad dress but... First of all: it's too tight, secondly: you always wear this look, thirdly: CUAN, fourthly: I cannot believe you sat down in the limo. 

Uzo Aduba!

Lady, I love you, but that is not your hairdo. It miiiiiiiiight not be your dress, either, but the sleeves are really cool so we'll leave it alone. The hair is really distracting me and aging you, and I don't want that for us.

Rachel Bloom!

I tried so hard to put this in the Good yesterday and it's so close but her styling is way off and her cleavage looks like it hurts. I love this dress so much. Great cut, great color. The hair isn't working, the makeup is too dark, and I'm looking for a necklace and a cocktail ring.

Viola Davis!

So here's where I'm torn: I love the way the sleeves swing but the netting and the sleeves really make this gown look mature. I'd love to ditch the sheer navy business on her chest and convert these sleeves into a cape attached to the back of the shoulders at each strap, really loose so we still get the lower back on the gown. I would love that. OR, conversely, I would like to see this on someone who LOVES sleeves like Dame Helen or Melissa McCarthy. 

Will Smith (seen here with Goddess Jada Pinkett-Smith)!

You cannot stand next to Jada Pinkett-Smith looking like she does when you are wearing a clown's bowtie and a too-big tux. You just look silly and you're dragging her down. Step it up, Will. 

Amy Schumer!

It's not offensive, it just looks discount. 

David Oyelowo!

He is a black vest away from pulling this off.

Felicity Huffman!

I super duper love her with brown hair and the detailing on the top of the dress is cool, but she does look like she's wearing a decorative wine glass. Excuse me, a decorative wine glass that doesn't actually fit. It probably says something cute like "The only thing better than a glass of wine is a bottle of wine."

Julianne Moore!

I thought this was absolutely phenomenal until I saw that she was being choked to death by some errant crushed velvet. JULIANNE! THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE SLEEVE!

Kate Bosworth!

She looks like a bedazzled poinsettia and it's absolutely putting me to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzz

Angela Bassett!

I so love this color on her and the styling seems right on point, it's just that the fit is SO distracting in the top. Angela, you deserve better!

Jamie Lee Curtis!

I can get on board with this dress if you hem it half an inch higher, ditch the applique flowers, and for the love of all that is right and just, un-billow the sleeves. And I'm pretty much done with asking for darker lips on these people because there is clearly a beige lip situation happening and we are powerless against it.

1 comment:

  1. Also, Amber Heard, Leslie Mann wore basically the same thing and looked better.