Step one: get some pearls.
Step two: put them on.
Step three: prepare to clutch said pearls.
(Alternately, for those of you more into Disney than Little House, I'm pretty sure this is the official costume of hostesses at the Haunted Mansion.)
OH YES I DID JUST MAKE THAT JOKE!
Ladies and gentlemen, you're about to behold a sight so strange, so horrifying, so utterly monstrous, that I urge you who are easily frightened or upset, who suffer from nervous disorders, weak hearts, or queasy stomachs, who experience nightmares, and any children under the age of 16, to forgo witnessing this exhibit. There are only two kinds of freaks ladies and gentlemen. Those created by God, and those made by man. The creature in this pit is a living breathing human being that once was... well, that's another story that happened a long time ago, a long way from here. Look if you must....
Yes, step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to the greatest show on earth.
*thanks to She Freak for the carnival barker quote