Thursday, September 26, 2013

Emmys 2013: The WTF!

There are three steps to reading the WTF rundown:

Step one: get some pearls.
Step two: put them on.
Step three: prepare to clutch said pearls.


Amanda Peet!
What in the name of Ghost Hunters is this about? She looks like a creepy doll that's been terrorizing someone's house with bad psychic energy. You guys, what happened to Amanda Peet? I'm truly concerned. Also, you guys, what's going on with this pioneer widow in mourning subtrend? Case in point...

Aubrey Plaza!
Half-Pint at the gravesite.

(Alternately, for those of you more into Disney than Little House,  I'm pretty sure this is the official costume of hostesses at the Haunted Mansion.)

Julianne Hough!
The only possible explanation for this is that she decided to use the Emmys as the stage for her one woman burlesque: Julianne Hough: A Tribute to Waterfalls. Don't go chasing waterfalls, Julianne.


Lily Rabe!
Ladies, I know you've been wondering how you'll pull off that Sexy Two-Face costume this Halloween. Lily Rabe has the answer. Just add disfigurement and a coin!

Kate Mara!
From the front, it's just your typical Kate Mara Has Poor Taste look. A bit side slit, some sheer netting, some adhesive tape detail... no big whoop, just what we've mostly come to expect. And then....
This would be the time to clutch your pearls and think of just how much double stick tape had to sacrifice its life for this monstrosity of a garment.

Melissa Leo!
Ladies and gentlemen, you're about to behold a sight so strange, so horrifying, so utterly monstrous, that I urge you who are easily frightened or upset, who suffer from nervous disorders, weak hearts, or queasy stomachs, who experience nightmares, and any children under the age of 16, to forgo witnessing this exhibit. There are only two kinds of freaks ladies and gentlemen. Those created by God, and those made by man. The creature in this pit is a living breathing human being that once was... well, that's another story that happened a long time ago, a long way from here. Look if you must....

Yes, step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to the greatest show on earth.

*thanks to She Freak for the carnival barker quote

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