Emmys 2013: The Good!

Oh heavens, dear readers, oh heavens. Did you see the Emmys last night? Did you see the whackadoodle mesh football jersey trend? OY. Between that and the mermaid hair, I was like "what is this I can't even" all over the place! Additionally, I was coming directly from a fantasy football league bbq, so it was a jarring gear switch. Overall, I was pleased to see a lot of bold color on the red carpet, but far less excited to see yet more sheer paneling and the aforementioned jersey mesh which makes no sense at me at all.

SIDEBAR: more than a decade ago, I was with my original bff waiting for her date to arrive at a bar. We agreed at that if he showed up wearing a mesh football jersey with nothing underneath, we would sneak out the back. Luckily, he showed up looking very nice and their 10 year wedding anniversary is in a couple of weeks. AW! Even with that lovely memory, I still cannot get behind mesh. You'll see. It's all in the Bad and the WTF (*cough* Kate Mara *cough*).

THE GOOD!

Allison Janney!

I absolutely could not love this color more on her. It's a dream! Her makeup is beautiful, the hair is nice even though I am SO DONE with the mermaid hair. I think everyone is a little too excited about The Little Mermaid coming out on BluRay.

Morena Baccarin!

Oh yes! This is wonderful red carpet maternity fashion. Lovely color, fabulously appropriate. CUAN*, but that's a quibble here.

Sarah Hyland!

I have no changes. Sarah Hyland continues to knock it out of the park.

Zooey Deschanel!

You guys! This is so refreshing! It's sophisticated and sexy in a non-twee way. Zooey! Look at you! So fabulous! And the ice blue is a perfect perfect perfect for you. (PS - never sit down in a limo again)

Tina Fey!

When I write the Way Too Shay book of how to be in life (but especially on the red carpet) there will be a whole chapter devoted to Tina Fey and how much difference a good stylist can make. Seriously, look:

This was only 3 years ago.

Kiernan Shipka!

Everything about this is perfect and no one can convince me otherwise.

Sarah Paulson!

You guys, I don't want to like this but I really cannot help myself. She carries the color beautifully, against all odds. I just wish it was half an inch shorter.

Jane Lynch!

Great suit, looked fabulous on camera, FANTASTIC necklace, and the styling is exactly right. Well done, Jane. You've been on a very fashionable streak for the past couple of years and I am so pleased.

Anna Gunn!

Okay, let's be real. I should not like this at all, and to be quite honest, the hair is giving me hives. But! I don't know, there's just something so fabulous and striking about this dress that I'm willing to overlook the curtain of poorly grown out bangs. The black lace over delicate pink makes me think she's got a really great secret to tell me later over a glass of wine, I don't know.

Allison Williams!

CUAN and CUADifferentHairdo, but seriously that dress is flawless. I swear she is the only Girl I can count on not to wear a sleep mask over her boobs or some sort of ill-thought-out duvet cover. So, well done!  Comparatively!

Mayim Bialik!

I know y'all probably don't agree but I love this. I tend to try to cut Blossom a break because she has some very specific red carpet challenges (mainly trying to find a non-matronly dress with sleeves poor girl), but I honestly liked this. The color is lovely on her and I can get behind a sheer overlay when it's used in this way. I like the embellishment at the elbows, though I would have skipped the shoulderpads.

Carrie Underwood!

Again with the side swept hair but, she wears it well and effortlessly. I love everything - color, cut, NECKLACE, makeup... absolutely beautiful. There is no problem to solve, Maria.

Kelly Osbourne!

You guys, I need this dress. I need it so badly. Please, Jenny Packham or any stylists who have access to this Jenny Packham gown, please send it directly to Philadelphia. But have it sent to my work because it'll get stolen off my stoop if you send it to my house. Thanks. Oh, PS, Kelly - your hair is starting to wash you out. Change up the color.

Ariel Winter!

She's back! And she looks great! Ariel, I'm so glad you stepped away from the sheer nude sleeves with glued on flowers. This is a much better, much more serious look. Love the color. Good job.

Linda Cardellini!

On one hand, she's wearing a giant vagina on her dress. On the other hand, she looks FANTASTIC. One one hand, she's got the mermaid hair... and a giant vagina on her dress. On the other hand, she was nominated for playing one of the world's frumpiest characters and had to remind everyone she is currently a vivacious, fabulous woman. At the end of the day, this is a stunning look, ladyparts or not.

Christina Hendricks!

High fives and snaps all around! Well done, lady! Also, I need this dress immediately on my body. Delicate and vampy and straight up drama - yes please!

Connie Britton!

True facts: it's a little early in the season for velvet and this dress may or may not remind me of my favorite chair which once belonged to my grandparents. But also true facts: this was my favorite gown of the night. The colors are GORGEOUS on her and I'll even forgive the fact that she didn't wear a necklace. I love this dress and love her in it.

*For those of you just joining us, hello! CUAN is shorthand for "could use a necklace." Learn it, live it.