Met Gala 2013: The Good

My friends, it's our holy week - MET GALA TIME! Unfortunately, most of the offerings this year were unholy as clueless celebs and fashionistas tried in vain to channel the unbelievably unfortunate Met Gala 2013 theme of "Punk." Why WHY would the Met Gala choose "Punk" as their theme? Unless they are actually trying to make me laugh and/or purposely setting up the pretty people for failure, I just cannot get my mind around it. I'm experiencing that same, bitter, metallic taste I get in my mouth anytime high end designers decide to embrace grunge. It's just so... awful. Because it's the Met Gala, prepare yourself for a lot of Bad and WTF fashions. You can also feel free to ignore me anytime I reference the theme of the evening, since it's such a hilarious waste of time. (Dear Met Gala Planning Committee: please do Schiaparelli again. That was actually useful.) Anyway...

THE GOOD

Madonna!

I have always liked my Madge with dark hair and I am especially digging this ensemble. It's a little bit Pussycat Dolls Do Punk, sure, but it's provocative in the best possible way while still being couture. Someone else at the Ball did a very terrible attempt at jacket without pants, but we'll get to her in a couple of posts. Bravo, Madge, and way to affirm your relevance (if only for one night).

Anne Hathaway!

 I am aware that we have some very staunch Anne Haters in our group of dear readers, but y'all can blow it out your ears. I love this look. I do not love the Phyllis Diller wrists, but everything else is great, sexy, and totally unexpected.

Kirsten Dunst!

Before you start yelling at your computer, let me explain. YES, I am usually against the weird muppet mossy crap at the bottom of a dress. YES, I am usually against showing up to red carpet events dressed as a couture peacock. YES, I am usually against Kiki herself. HOWEVER, something about this works for me. Maybe it's her confidence? Maybe it's the fit? Maybe it's grading on a curve because she so often goes off the rails. Whatever. She's in the Good pile today.

Hailee Steinfeld!

True: there is nothing about this that fits the theme, but I would much rather see girlfriend show up looking perfect in a pretty little party dress than coming dressed as Black Swan (COUGHJanuaryJonesCOUGH).

Karolina Kurkova!

Punk by way of couture + Beetlejuice and I LOVE IT. My only quibble is that it's slightly underdressed for the event, but whatever, she's basically made only of legs and she's making the most of it.

Aubrey Plaza!

Fantastic. Don't change a thing.

Julianne Hough!

Julianne Hough IS Sandy in Grease 3: Rockabilly Prom. (And it totally works.)

Maggie Gyllenhaal!

Holy crap, you guys! This is the best Miss Maggie has looked in YEARS. It's simple, surprisingly well accessorized, great color, excellent eye makeup. Well played, lady!

Lena Dunham!

This is adorable. I'm not sold on the train, but the dress is stupid cute.

Christina Ricci!

I am in love with this. I'm pretty sure that Vivienne Westwood is the only designer who can design an asymmetrical bustline and a mullet skirt IN PLAID and make me drool. Kudos for the sheer black stockings and non-insane shoes. Well played, Ricci. You may just be a junior HBC in the making.

Solange!

By all rights, I should hate this but, as with Kiki, there is something about the way Solange is working it that makes me feel so happy. Or maybe it's just the fact that I love Solange and I have decided she can do no wrong, fashion-wise.

Carey Mulligan!

As you'll see later, most of our red carpet wonders interpreted "punk" to mean "revealing cut away dresses." Carey here is the only one who did this kind of approach in a classic, tasteful, glamorous way. Also, I am DYING over those shoes. DYING.

Rooney Mara!

It's a little bit Undead Wedding Party, but she somehow makes this look more fashion than costume. I do wish she would rethink the shade of her foundation, though.

Uma Thurman!

And then Uma Thurman was like, "Step aside, amateurs. I got this." And got it, she does! DAMN.

Dakota Fanning!

WHAT! This dress is insane in the best way possible, well accessorized, and totally amazing on her. Apparently, our little Dakota decided to use the Met Ball as her announcement that she is an adult now and should be cast as such.