"A thinking woman sleeps with monsters"

Work is insane. Theatre is ramping up to insanity. Friends are going through hard times. I bought the wrong lottery ticket and didn't even win on the wrong one. I cannot seem to make myself ingest a vegetable to save my life. The scale is jeering at me in my mind. Things are just A LOT right now. And then Adrienne Rich passed away.

The connections between and among women are the most feared, the most problematic, and the most potentially transforming force on the planet.

I was first introduced to her work in college, living in a house full of feminists. It was one of those quintessential college moments where a bunch of young women sat around talking about things that mattered. Sure, we did our fair share of watching 10 Things I Hate About You and planning elaborate theme parties, but the best times were late at night, sitting on the grimy floor of the kitchen talking about Ideas and Ideals and The Values of Feminism. And one of the women brought out her Adrienne Rich books. Being a sucker for poetry, I was hooked immediately.

Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.

I don't remember who exactly brought it out or what else happened. I imagine it was probably D, my roommate at the time, and poetry nerd extraordinaire. At that time I was either going to minor in Women's Studies or Poetry. The major in Theatre Arts was already set. Ah, but I was a lazy feminist and I had heard that Global Fem was a super hard class and, lord, I was way more interested in doing plays than taking tough classes. So the decision was made! Poetry! ...Except that the writing classes I could actually get into were short fiction classes and I had a tough time with the poetry professor. It didn't end up really mattering in the end. I crammed my brain full of poetry anyway.

and among those images
one woman's meaning to another woman

So the feminist activist theme house was actually called the Womyn's Concerns House. With a Y. I understand the genesis of this particular spelling but I despise it. I just cannot make myself look at that and think it looks correct. By the time I graduated, WoCo was no longer in a free-standing house at the edge of campus and I was no longer living there. I hold on to those nights, though, sitting in the kitchen either on the floor or at the tiny table or on top of the washing machine, talking to my friends about things we thought we were the first to discover.

It's exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful.

I miss talking about things that matter. And I know, to the people who actually knew and loved her in the flesh, Adrienne Rich will be missed dearly.

italicized text by Adrienne Rich. OBVS.

International Women's Day

Happy International Women's Day! To celebrate this day of women, I am going to go to the pharmacy and get my next pack of Slut Pills! (Thanks, Rush [not the band].) I have a bigger response to that whole thing but I'm not going to do that today. Not on International Women's Day! No, today I want to tell you some Truths from the inside of being This Woman.

Truth 1
Sometimes I think I look like this:

But then I look in the mirror and feel like this:

 (Note: actual picture of me at age..12? 13?

I don't know, something awkward.)

Truth 2
My brain can be a scary place. Sometimes scary in a good way, like when I realize I can still balance chemical formulas (which makes NO SENSE since I haven't done that since high school). Sometimes scary in a bad way, like when I have very long imaginary conversations that go in circles. I mean loooong.

Truth 3
Something happened to me in the last three years and I turned into a person who day dreams about settling down and having 800 kids. Not 800. I'm no Duggar. But you know what I mean. My college self is HORRIFIED by these day dreams.

this girl is like "I am NEVER getting married! Feminism!"

(and Alex is like "Beer!")

this girl in the red is like "Marriage is a choice. Feminism!"

(and Cait is like "Drop it low at my reception!")

Truth 4
...but I know I have time. And I know I'm lucky that I live in this era where I can be almost 32 and feel like I have tons of time before science is like, "Now or never, beeyotch."

Truth 5
My sister is a brave girl going through some tough stuff. I am always too hard on her. She is never hard enough on me. We're working on being invincible together, though. This is my favorite picture of me and Stupidcleese. I always want us to be feeling like we look in this photo.

Truth 6
It is almost impossible for me to feel proud of my accomplishments in the moment. I don't know why, but I tend to want to store those moments away and deal with them later. Oh, if there is a failure? I absolute cloak myself in that and go through every piece of it for hours. A triumph? Think about it later. I wonder what exactly I think is going to happen if I feel proud of myself. I'll become some terrible jerk? MORE so than I already am?

Truth 7
We're all jerks. We all say stupid, hurtful things. We all ignore people out of ego or fear. We all talk shit about people. We all procrastinate and do things that set us back. We do it to ourselves. But we're all also capable of deep love, forgiveness, kindness, and restraint. We are capable of positive action. The challenge is to tamp down the jerk and let the awesome person show through.

Truth 8
My mom is a generous, funny, resilient, complicated woman. I know she always has my back and that I can pretty much always make her laugh. She has never told me there is anything I can't do. This is my favorite photo of me and my mom. It's pretty terrible, but it's us.

Indeed, that is an inflatable saxophone.

Truth 9
I spend more money on hair products and moisturizers than I do on food. Oil of Olay alone gets 10% of my yearly salary. I recognize that people may think this to be silly, but those people can bite me...and if you bite me, you'll find I am very soft. THANK YOU, OIL OF OLAY!

Truth 10
On this International Women's Day, it took me 5 tries to get dressed in an outfit I liked. I cried because I've gained weight. I also got my period. I'm feeling pretty low about some recent behavior. I feel like I should have so much more figured out by this point in my life than I do. I'm trying to be patient about my career. I'm feeling thankful for my friends, who are all very strong and very fabulous. I'm very lucky to have strong feminist men in my life. On this International Women's Day, it is so gorgeous outside that it feels like my heart might explode out of sheer hope for Spring. That's the truth.

Oscar rundown 2012: The Bad!

It is time.

THE BAD

Maya Rudolph!

Looks like Ms. Thing went straight from Bridesmaids to Mother of the Bride. (uuugh, I know.) It's frumpy and unflattering. Methinks Maya needs some styling help.


Kate Mara!

I cannot decide if that's a sleeve, the world's fanciest sling, or if her dress is attacking her. One wrong move and this whole thing is going tits ahoy! And to make matters worse, this dress looks like an expensive lamp in a seaside tourist shop. Go home and start over, Mara. Take your lactating sister with you.


Julia Ormond!

EEK. Unflattering fit across the midsection, significantly under-applied makeup, and folk festival hair. I think my disappointment is heightened because I used to dream and wish to look like her. SIGH.


Sandra Bullock!

BULLOCK! WHY!? Can you not tell the difference between a bag and an Oscar gown? Do you seriously not understand that your features look far too severe when you wear your hair like that? Which friends told you to tuck an ill-fitting tshirt into a black skirt and wrap some ferns around your waist to keep the thing together? You need new friends.


Colin Firth and Wife Person!

Oh girl, oh no. Between the matchy-matchy lipstick, the twee little bow on her bag, the wall sconces on the bosom, and the sheer red modesty panels, the only good thing I can see about this woman's outfit is the sweet accessory to her right. You guys, this dress is SO BAD. So bad.


Lea Thompson!

Look at this and imagine it without the wrap and without the sequins. Maybe it's pink and striped instead. Is this or is this not the maxi dress you wrinkle your nose up at in the basement of Anthropologie? Someone call Doc Brown. I'm going to need to go back in time and convince Lea Thompson not to wear this tasteless, unflattering thing.
 

Melissa McCarthy!

Ditch the sleeves, lose the train, minimize the skirt volume, and change the color to navy blue. There: now you look great.


Shailene Woodley!

Oh man, do I hate this dress something fierce. It's far too mature for Shailene, for starters. This screams 3rd wedding at an inn in Vermont. For another thing, it's just slightly too long in the skirt and the band from waist to bust comes up just a hair too high, which makes her boobs appear saggy. I don't know, it just looks like an adult christening gown. YOU CAN DO BETTER.


Glenn Close!

Remember that part in Bridget Jones where Daniel Cleaver takes her on mini-break and she loses her scarf and her hair ends up one giant wind-blown mess? THAT IS NOT A GOOD INSPIRATION FOR A RED CARPET LOOK. As for the dress, it's just too much stuff. If we lop off that ridiculous train and maybe see the tux jacket in a different color, I think I could be on board with this. The green is perfect on her. The fit of the dress is imperfect, though. It seems to fit well in the torso but then you look from waist to knees and it's too tight but also bunching. Overall, this is simply not working.


Kristen Wiig!

I give up with this one. Wiig, you're on probation. Go over there and sit with Julie Bowen until you learn to wear colors and pick flattering silhouettes. You exhaust me.


Melissa Leo!

I am convinced that Melissa Leo has the worst fashion taste in Hollywood. Her dress is designed to look like a collared short-sleeved shirt worn under a strapless dress. I mean, let's just start there. On top of that, the dress is big on her. How to solve the problem of a sequined dress half a size too large? Just throw a silk scarf around your waist! The makeup is very natural and office-appropriate - ZONK. On top of it all, her shoes don't go with her outfit!

Here's the difference between Kristen Wiig and Melissa Leo and why I am not putting Melissa Leo on probation: I honestly believe that Kristen Wiig can do better, but I acknowledge that Melissa Leo is beyond hope. If something is ill-fitting or full-on bizarre, Melissa Leo will wear it proudly and think she looks awesome. And this is why I hope Melissa Leo is on every red carpet forever. Bless her heart.

Please stay tuned....

My dear readers, my day was totally insane and I have to go pick up my friend's kid at day care in half an hour. I'll post the Bad tomorrow. So sorry to keep you waiting!

Oscar rundown 2012: PART 2

My dear readers, I have heard a LOT of negative comments about Emma Stone and her dress. I stand by my review, but I also understand that perhaps the giant neckbow looks like some sort of red carpet representation of Nearly Headless Nick's ruff. Point taken, readers. Moving on, it's time for the Meh - the utter definition of "it's not terrible but it's not great either."

THE MEH


Jennifer Lopez!

On one hand, I dig this. It's very JLo - low-cut, skin-tight, vavoom-y. On the other hand, WHAT IS HAPPENING ON YOUR SLEEVES?! I think this could have landed squarely in my Good pile if the sleeves had been eliminated. Also, JLo girl, no one wants to see areola during an awards telecast. In the future, double check your double stick tape before getting onstage.


Michelle Williams!

The thing is, I want to love this. I almost do... but it's just so overworked. I love the color, I love the peplum, I love the makeup, hair, NECKLACE.... it's just that the skirt is too much. Sigh.


Viola Davis!

Another one I tried to make myself love. The color is perfect and it fits her like a dream. I just...don't really like the dress. Why does she have a curtain attached around her knees? I don't understand. I do love, however, that she wore her natural hair to the awards. Shoulders-up, she's perfect.


Wendi McLendon-Covey!

I seriously think I tried on this dress while prom shopping lo these 14 years ago and put it back on the rack because it was "pretty but too fussy." She looks like a My Little Pony accessory.


Bérénice Bejo!

I like the idea of this gown but there is just so much that goes wrong. I gather it's supposed to look dreamy and ethereal; instead, it washes her out and makes her bust look weirdly short and her waist weirdly long. Maybe if it was a slightly darker shade of seafoam I wouldn't have quite the same Meh-ness from this. Also, um, Berenice - you, uh, forgot to do your hair.


Rose Byrne!

The draping on the bottom half of the dress makes her look like she's wearing the world's fanciest hammerpants. NOW YOU CAN'T UN-SEE IT!


Jane Seymour!

She looks fantastic and the dress fits her like a dream but it's making me sleepy. Jane, I would love to see you in something that's not red. Just once. Please.


Cameron Diaz!

Thanks to the Experty Experts, I now know that "Cameron Diaz" rhymes with "Quesadillas." I vote that we refer to her only as that from here out. This dress looks to me like it's weeping, or perhaps melting. It's not terrible, but it's not great either. I like the necklace. Ultimately, I find myself distracted by La Portman's far superior dress in the background. Oh! Also! Did you guys see the hilarious moment during the show where Quesadillas tried to go booty-for-booty with JLo? Genuine comedy.


Penelope Ann Miller!

Red carpet figure skater costume.


Janet McTeer!

True story! I went to see Ms. McTeer in a play once, but I had the most amazing meal beforehand at Butter and ate too much rich food and had too much wine and I totally fell asleep during the play. It was very British and slow but visually interesting...but in the end, my food coma won. Similarly, this dress is very proper and beautiful but sort of boring. Also, I am eating right now.


Rooney Mara!

Hair and makeup look striking and appropriate. Which is odd, considering she's wearing the world's fanciest nursing bra/nightgown.


Busy Philipps!

I know I've said it before, but I am totally behind Michelle Williams and Busy Philipps going to all of these awards shows together. Seriously, you need a partner in crime when you go to an awards show! Otherwise who will you whisper catty remarks to all night? As for this outfit, I loooooove her earrings, the dress is fine, the hair is lacking, and DEAR GOD THOSE SHOES ARE AWFUL. Busy, girl, there's a pop of color and then there's Barbie hooker shoes.


Virginia Madsen!

Great color and general shape but....Eek. The hair is a straight up mess and the dress does not fit! Look how it pools at the bottom! Look how it's oddly sticking out in bunches on the left! I'm happy she didn't show up looking like the widowed saloon girl this time, but Jesus, Ginny. Get. It. Together.


Meryl Streep!

Hair: great.
Neckline: great.
Makeup: great.
Sleeves: are both on the dress, a step up from some past looks.
Color: decent.
General fit of dress: Wha' happen!?


Nick Nolte!

The bowtie is a titch small, but overall the tux isn't bad. I just wonder how Mrs. Claus feels about Santa's love child with Kenny Rogers coming to light in such a public way.



Tomorrow! Your favorite part! Get ready because holy crap did you see Colin Firth's wife!?!?! Srsly.

Oscar rundown 2012: PART 1

My dear readers, it is our favorite time of year: OSCAR FASHION TIME! We have a lot to cover, so let's dive right in, shall we?

THE GOOD


Stacy Keibler!

Normally, I would not be so ecstatic about a gigantic gold rose/open sore on the hip of a dress, but she just looked perfect. The dress fits her like a dream, her hair is beautiful and soft, and the color looks amazing on her. I think Ms. Keibler is not going to be hitting these red carpets for long (ole George tends to ditch his beards in the summer), but she has come a long way.


Gwyneth Paltrow!

I'm going to be straight up with you here: I love this. I love the dress, I love the cape, I love the cuff. I think she looks polished and put together. The length is perfect and it's a dazzling ensemble. (PS, I love capes. There was no way I was going to ding this.)


NinaGarciaFashionDirectorForMarieClaireMagazine!

She looked a million times better than half of the people she interviewed. That is what we, in the business, call BOOYAH.


Emma Stone!

Is it basically the same dress Nicole Kidman wore in 2007? YES. Is the bow bigger than her head? YES. Does it look awesome on her anyway? YES. Is she straight up adorable? YES. Did I get in a fight with my mom and my sister during the telecast because they said they don't like Emma Stone? YES. Have my mom and sister seen Easy A? NO. OBVIOUSLY.


Leslie Mann!

This is the best Ms. Mann has EVER looked. I love this, though I think she would benefit from a necklace. The color is absolutely perfect.


Tina Fey!

SHE DID IT! Perfect makeup, a great dress, pretty hair! Well done, Tina. I am soooo proud of you! I saw a bunch of peplums on the red carpet this year, but I think she did it best.


Louise Roe!

I don't really know who she is, but I gleaned from the ABC red carpet that she is a British person who interviews celebrities. This dress is so cool and completely unique. It's sort of chic and business and pretty and feminine and ... how did she do all of that at once?


Ellie Kemper!

I went back and forth on this one, but the truth is I love this dress. The truth is also that she seriously needs to reconsider the length of her bangs. I would have loved to see a necklace with this - nothing big, just a delicate gold chain or similar- but I cannot argue with the fit and color of the dress.


Sirius Black and Ladyfriend Person!

I think we can all agree that Gary Oldman is a stone cold fox. HE looks spectacular. SHE looks like a walking invitation to explore her chamber of secrets.


Milla Jovovich!

And that, my dear readers, is how you say "I've still got it" in supermodel speak. Her hem is pooling slightly but I think she really knocked it out of the park with this look.


Judy Greer!

This is the best she has ever looked, scalp-down. I wish her hair was...done, but other than that, DAMN GIRL.


Octavia Spencer!

Gorgeous. The dress fits her like a dream. If I was the stylist, I would have pushed her to consider losing the sleeves and changing to a boat neckline, but that would just be cherries on top of the cheesecake. She looks amazing.


Natalie Portman!

LOVE. Love love love love love. Polka dots, classic, simple.... and a big honkin' strand of ice around her neck. LOVE.


Giuliana Rancic!

Okay, sure. She's a walking bobblehead. BUT. This dress is amazing and looked fantastic on camera. Someone knows what they are doing.


Angelina Jolie!

My best guess is she made some sort of bet with Brad to stick her leg out all night or something like that. I kind of love her for it. This dress is dramatic and completely appropriate for a star of her caliber. I'm so glad she stopped wearing those sad disco dresses.


Jessica Chastain!

FINALLY! Yes. This. Thank you, Jessica. You look fantastic, the dress is a wonder and you no longer look 15 years older than you are. I'm so glad you read WTS.


Penelope Cruz!

Best dressed of the night, hands down. Pen Cruz took this look pretty much directly from Grace Kelly and I have to say BRAVA because she looks spectacular. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. This is what red carpet perfection looks like.


Stay tuned for more ... we still have the Meh and the Bad!