Met Ball 2015: The Meh!

You guys, my name is Meg so I almost always type "Meg" instead of "Meh." I just wanted to share that with you.

The Meg Meh

Allison Williams!

This was definitely the year when a lot of dresses looked better from the back. This one is kind of exciting from the back, though that sudden shift at the knees made me nervous so I found a pic from the front and...

... yeah, it definitely looks like she is wearing this dress inside out.

Jessica Chastain!

Absolutely perfect and completely boring.

Kate Hudson!

Beautiful and the silhouette evokes the theme but, again, boring. You know what's NOT boring!? The lady in the lace Charlie Brown shirt in the background. Thank you oh so much to Reader Kate for spotting that thing of wonder. Lace Charlie Brown Shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cher (seen here with Marc Jacobs)!

What fresh hell is this? Why is Cher wearing her "everyday" hair and a dress inspired by holographic coffee stains? Why is Marc Jacobs wearing a standard tux with standard shiny shoes? The only interesting thing about this is that perhaps Marc is carrying the makeup Cher forgot to apply in his little leather case?  This is me:

Keri Russell!

There's feathering your nest and then there is wearing feathers over your uterus. I mean, come on. Those shoes though... wow!

Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union!

Okay, deep breath. First of all, I love that Dwyane Wade came dressed as the Archduke of Miami. It's an absolutely gorgeous look ruined by the hem on his pants, those shoes, and the absence of socks. I know that No Socks is quite the thing with the menfolk, but in my opinion you need to have a beautifully hemmed pant to make that work. And not those shoes. As for Gabrielle, perfect color, gorgeous dress, love her makeup. BUT. The hair seems off and the dress doesn't exactly fit her well. Also: long sleeves in May? Perhaps it it's cold in here. There must be some Clovers in the atmosphere.

Selena Gomez!

This is another one that looks better from the side/back.

From the front it looks like a window treatment over a strapless bra. It fits well and her head is flawless, but she's got tassels coming off her armpits. Selena, listen to me: you look gorgeous in white. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Lady Gaga!

Lady Gaga is your scariest ballet teacher. 

Katie Holmes (seen here with Zac Posen)!

Stiff, stiff, stiff, and boring. All of it.

Amal Clooney (seen here with some dude)!

It's pretty but the tiers appear overworked and somewhat snakelike, if the snake had some sort of ruffle-attack. Her date looks great, though! Who IS that guy?

Olivia Munn!

This is mostly fabulous, honestly, I just don't like the sleeves being split all the way down. I think it looks awkward. I hope to god she didn't have to try to eat soup with those things on.

Carey Mulligan!

In terms of garment bags, it's a very fancy garment bag. In terms of motocycle hair, it's very upscale motorcycle hair. In terms of the Met Ball, it's a very nice outfit for the Golden Globes.

The Olsens!

You guys, their looks are so boring and unremarkable this year that I actually asked two people if they had skipped the event. I am forever confused about which is which, so I'm not even going to try. Right Twin's fussy dress is at odds with the yoga hair whereas I am in love with Left Twin's approach of "Screw it, I'm just going to wear this giant coat. I'm not even going to shower." Love you, Left Twin.

Karolina Kurkova!

Oh dear. Karolina is usually one of my favorites at the Met Ball, but this just smacks of one of those racist Sexy Geisha costumes we see in the Halloween roundup. It's beautiful and fits her like a dream but still - a major letdown.

Solange!

Okay, so the first time I saw this, I thought perhaps she was lifting up a tier of her dress so the photogs could get a good look at how she was celebrating Star Wars Day. 

Unfortunately, no. She is actually wearing the Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey Commemorative Plate as a dress.

Julianne Moore!

Also celebrating Star Wars Day, Julianne Moore came as Black Tie Lord Vader... 

Anne Hathaway!

.,.. And Annie apparently reached out to Ralph Lauren for help as he was her only hope. Buns not included.

Met Ball 2015: The Good!

My dear readers, last night was fashion's high holiday: The Met Ball/Gala/Whatever It's Called This Time Around. The name of the game here is high drama, theatrical couture either in step with the theme or so completely amazing it defies the theme and becomes its own moment.

This year's theme was China: Through the Looking Glass and I am here to tell you that no one came in anything remotely close to Eastern Alice in Wonderland and I am DISAPPOINTED. Not one Cheshire Cat to be seen. Let's get into it, yes?

THE GOOD

Zendaya!

Let's start here in case we have some newbies joining us. Objectively, this is not something that should go in the Good pile. BUT this is Met Ball. She looks fabulous and outrageous and demands attention. I have no idea who this girl is but she is killing it.

Helen Mirren!

Speaking of killing it, YOWZA. This is the other end of the killing it spectrum - whereas Zendaya (also seen in the background of this photo) is demanding attention with an over-the-top ensemble, Dame Helen knows your attention will be on her as every single thing about her ensemble is exactly perfect and on point. We saw a lot of red and gold on the carpet, but none so elegant as this. Well, almost none...

Fan Bingbing!

I say almost none because Fan Bingbing exists and is the perfect embodiment of elegance. Bow down, peasants.

Justin Bieber!

Don't pretend he doesn't look fabulous. 

Taraji P. Henson!

Okay, sure she Could Use A Necklace and you might say that this is tame for the Met Ball. And normally I would agree with you! But! Think about what an impact Cookie Lyon has had on pop culture this year and how different this simple, elegant, polished look is from the over-the-top glam of Cookie and observe a very careful approach to self-marketing by Taraji Henson. It doesn't hurt that she's absolutely stunning.

Karen Elson!

This  may be a little standard and on the nose but I am slayed. RIP me. Love this.

Hannah Bagshawe (seen with real live human Muppet)!

She is playing her part as Unwitting Red Carpet Darling to the hilt. She's 50%  Normal Person Hair and Makeup and 50% fantastic Valentino that hints at the theme without banging you over the head. Go girl!

 Katy Perry (with Jeremy Scott)!

 Love it. It's completely appropriate for the event and completely appropriate for Katy Perry. I wish she wouldn't always go so costumey with the accessories, but I have come to accept that as her way. Also, I'm totally into this matchy matchy thing she's been doing with her dudes lately - it's super fun and totally works with her brand and image.

Uma Thurman!

This is your periodic reminder that Uma Thurman is not mortal.

Janelle Monae!

Dramatic, alluring, and perfect. It's like she took her standard look and applied the Met Ball filter to it. I live for her red carpet looks. 

Lizzy Caplan!

Unexpectedly stunning. Old Hollywood glamour.

Michael B. Jordan!

I chose this shot over the full body so you could get a better look at this suit. This is exactly what men should be striving for at Met Ball - it's thematically appropriate and fashion forward without veering into Marc-Jacobs-in-his-pajamas territory. Gorgeous fit, expertly worn. This kid is light years ahead of most of the other men who walked the red carpet last night. 

Sarah Jessica Parker!

The grand duchess of the Met Ball always plays it exactly on the line. The dress is gorgeous and on point and the Philip Treacy headdress is extraordinary. 

and finally, the big winner of the night....

Rihanna!

What did we say the Met Ball was about? High drama....

...Theatrical....

...Couture. Maybe she reminds you of Big Bird, or Belle from Beauty and the Beast, or an omelette, or pizza, or a condom or whatever else... you cannot deny that she BROUGHT IT. Well done, RiRi. That is EXACTLY what we're looking for out of the Met Ball.

Derby Hats 2015!

There are a lot of terribly unsettling things going on in our world right now and while I think you should be reading, say, Ta-Nehisi Coates instead of Way Too Shay, I still feel like there is room in the day to take a break from pain and suffering to look at dumb hats at a fancy horse race. That's what WTS is here for: when you need a moment to be completely frivolous in the midst of making the world better.

Because the thing is: HATE minus the E is HAT and it's time for less hate and more hats.

This one is just plain lazy. Come on, girl. You can't just pin a silk flower on your beach hat and go to the races. Points for the necklace, though.

I saw fewer hats featuring odes to the vagina this year. Fortunately, this one gives us a statement about pubic hair alongside the focal point- let is grow, let it flow, adorn your beautiful flower.

This hat probably took a lot of time for all that detail, but here's the thing with derby hats - no one wants to get up close to read your hat. It's not like Wes Anderson is there combing the crowd looking for a new model set decorator.

This is the hat representation of peaking out from beneath a can-can dancer's skirt.

Don't look so smug, lady. You glued some Bratz dolls on a hat. Who hasn't done that at least once?

Are the horses supposed to be racing each other on this hat? If so, why are they going in different directions? If they are not racing each other, is this a commentary on the necessity of rest and/or perhaps and incisive condemnation of racing as sport?

That hat looks like an amuse bouche.

You can't just give yourself all the awards, lady. That's not how it works. This is why kids today expect praise for every fart.

Turns out you can make those hats look jerkier. Huh.

This hat is the floral centerpiece that made Bob Balaban nervous in A Mighty Wind.

I love it when hats wear hats! But wait: this hat is a picnic basket with a flamingo's head wearing a hat. My brain doesn't even know how to process this sight and that is glorious.

Best hat of the derby. I dare you to find a more intricate, elegant, and thematically-appropriate hat that invokes traditional headpieces of the Vegas showgirls of yesteryear. Brava, lady. You are awesome.

The Heartthrob of My Weekend Mornings

My dear readers, as you probably know (because everyone who reads this thing is actually in my life - hi Mom!) I am in love with a Chelsea soccer football fanatic. I go with him to the bar on weekend mornings (sometimes very, very early) to watch the matches with his crew. They sing songs I don't know the words to, they know what's going on, and generally I have a great time because I enjoy sports and I enjoy a good bloody mary. Sure, there's lot of cutiepies who play soccer football, but there's only one man affiliated with Chelsea for me - their manager José Mourinho.

Look at this handsome summabish!

Every time I watch a match, I'm like, Where's José ?

He is dapper as hell on the pitch! And can apparently perform wandless magic.

 ON MY HEART.

Am I a little bit obsessed with José?

Why am I obsessed with José?

Really!?

Who's the number one hottie manager of the English Premier League?

See you Saturday, sweet stuff!

Attention Dudes: Cut Your Hair: PART DOS

Well well well, what do you know? Another beautiful man has been made more beautiful by the shedding of locks. (Part one in what has now become a series can be found here.) I mean, we know this story right??

and then.... BEHOLD!!!!!!!!

Excellent work, Jared.  Simply excellent. Sexcellent.

A quick note about the first part of this series: I WAS WRONG ABOUT LETO.

Oscars 2015 Fashion Rundown: The WTF!

We're finally here and holy mother of god, do we have some real headscratchers this time around. Have you been wondering where certain people are in the other piles? Look no further fella, you found em!

THE WTF

Marion Cotillard!

From the front, it's fiiiiiiine if a little boring. Initially, I noted the extra fabric behind the waist and wondered if perhaps there was a cape on this dress. I was really excited about the possibility of a cape! Cape-ibility. (I'll show myself out.) And then she turned around...

NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. This is the worst possible outcome when hoping for a cape. Bunchy under-butt bustle? I said good day sir.

David Oyelowo!

Unlike some people I watched the awards with, I have no problem with the color of this tux. It's a gorgeous color on him, though I wish it was just the tiniest bit bigger in the arms. Like by a millimeter. Where is goes seriously WTF for me is the far too bright red vest and bowtie. Why. No really, someone tell me why one would ever pair claret with brick. Or maybe I'm just seeing the wrong color like that hideous dress people keep talking about. Also the lady in red in the back there needs a better bra because she's got the dubble bubble that plagues so many of us.

Keira Knightley!

This is the fashion equivalent of letting your "artistic" friend decorate your cast. Every time I look at this I make the same face. It is this face:


Jared Leto!

hahahahahahahhahahahaha WUT.

No seriously guys. Why is he wearing periwinkle doll clothes with orthopedic shoes and late-career Bee Gees head? The mind reels.

Gwyneth Paltrow!

My brain went: "Uh how boring....wait...a...minute...what's on her...shoul--

-- OH MY GOD IT'S WAY TOO SHAY CHRISTMAS."

Hands down the most insane look of the night in a color she keeps trying to make work. On a scale of One to Patton, this is strangely similar to OG Patton, yes?