Year End Fashion Round-Up: The Bad!

Oh, there was so much bad this year. So much. I found it very difficult to narrow down the "winners" for this category, but I had to draw the line somewhere, yes? Let's see where the line is.

THE WTS BAD PILE FOR 2013!

Zosia Mamet's boobie sleep mask at the Emmys!


Alyssa Milano's mac and cheese disaster sack at the Golden Globes!


Debra Messing's unflattering dress and top knot at the Tonys!


KStew's homage to Spanish bull fighters at the Met Ball!


Anne Hathaway's 8th grade dinner dance chic at the Oscars!


Sophia Coppola's duct tape pajamas at the Met Ball!


Sigourney Weaver's trash bag gown at the SAGs!

Gwyneth Paltrow's pink frock of doom at the Met Ball!




I'm sorry poor Kevin had to see all of those.

Year End Fashion Round-Up: The Good!

Here we are, approaching the end of another year of Good, Meh, Bad, and WTF. I'm very happy we instituted the WTF this year because BOY HOWDY did we need it. In going over the Way Too Shay fashion coverage from this year I was saddened to find how few looks really struck me as fantastic this year. Maybe next year we'll finally finally finally be done with that terrible short-dress-long-mesh trend. Fingers crossed.

THE WTS GOOD PILE FOR 2013

Lucy Liu at the Golden Globes!

You guys, remember when Lucy Liu wore this dress that sort of looks like wallpaper from 1778 but it totally worked on her was probably my favorite dress of the entire year? Yeah, I remember that also.

Dakota Fanning at the Met Ball!

Remember when Dakota fanning grew up and wore the most amazing dress? Me too.

Christina Hendricks at the Emmys!

Remember when Christina Hendricks figured it out and looked awesome? Me too.

Martha Plimpton at the Tonys!

Remember when Martha Plimpton wore the perfect dress? Me too!

Daniel Day Lewis and Rebecca Miller at the Oscars!

Oh my god, and then DDL wore a navy tux and Rebecca Miller wore that really cool dress with a great necklace and they just looked gorgeous?! Yes! That was the best!

Anne Hathaway at the Met Ball!

And then that time Anne Hathaway bounced back from the disaster that was her Oscars look (more on that later) by showing up to the Met Ball with this smoking hot dress with Phyllis Diller sleeves and I loved her bleached hair and everything vamptastic about this? Oh, we've had some great memories this year! My dear readers, let's hope that next year's Good pile wrap-up is more plentiful.

Television Comes to South Philadelphia

My dear readers, my roommate and I got cable and reliable internet recently. This is the first time we've had tv since moving into our house three years ago. I had come from a tv-heavy house and was looking forward to the break. I think she was humoring me. What I found out during the time we didn't have tv was just how many times I could watch the movies and shows on DVD we already owned. The answer: a lot. But we decided to take the plunge a month or so ago and I have learned some things.

1. I will watch almost anything on the Food Network as long as Robert Irvine is not involved. And sometimes I will watch the Robert Irvine shows also.

He is the physical embodiment of the Uh Oh Feeling for me.

1a. The Prairie Woman has a cooking show. It's not awesome but I still love her.

2. I will watch any iteration of House Hunters and yell at the entitled jerks who are looking at properties. I now have the words "en suite bathroom" "detached house" and "stainless steel appliances" burned into my brain. I'm a little concerned that my house has none of these.

3. Modern Family is well written and consistently funny. Parks and Rec is much better than it used to be and has made me cry more than once. The Mindy Project is entirely disappointing. Chopped is on all the time, but it's always a Thanksgiving episode. 

4. As it turns out, I can save money by watching football at home instead of at the bar. Not that I am surprised, it's just nice to remember that.

5. I am mystified and amazed by the ability to fast forward through commercials. DVR is insane and great. 

6. On the subject of DVR, I didn't realize you had to make difficult decisions. Last night we had to decide between taping Breaking the Faith and Home Alone. We chose BtF because we are obsessed with it. 

Sorry, Kevin. You cannot hold a candle to my obsession with prophet-based religious sects.

7. It occurred to me only the other day that having television means that I can watch awards shows the way they were meant to be watched: at home, in formal wear, eating pizza, yelling at the television.

7a. And I can watch hours upon hours of red carpet coverage. You're welcome in advance.

8. Because I was watching television, I was alerted to the fact that Michael Buble does a Christmas Special, and apparently his guests this year are my girls Mary J. Blige and Mariah Carey. What are MJB and Mariah doing on Michael Buble's Christmas Special? 

Basically, goodbye productivity. It was nice knowing you.

Sexy ___ Costume Rundown 2013!

My dear readers, did you know that I've been doing these Sexy ____ costume roundups since 2006? It started over on my dear departed Livejournal - I didn't even post pictures the first year! I was delighted/horrified to find out that there is a such costume as Sexy Bee. And that's where the obsession began. (With Sexy Bee costumes, I mean...)  This year, so as not to repeat costumes from previous years, I actually made a spreadsheet. A SPREADSHEET. That, my dear readers, is dedication. And so, behold: the latest slate of Sexy ____ costumes.

Sexy Smurf!

Meh. We're starting here because in terms of Sexy ____ costumes, this is fairly tame. Though you do have the whole "only gal in a sea of men" thing going on... for better or worse. Since we're here, why don't we just obliterate all of childhood, huh?

Sexy Cabbage Patch Kid

Now THAT'S more like it. The yarn hair is what really brings it home. Do you think she has Xavier Roberts' signature on her ass?

Sexy Gizmo

Oh good. Now all your body-shaming frenemies are free to make comments about you eating after midnight. That's what I always go for on Halloween.

Sexy Princess Peach

I tried to find this last year to go with Sexy Mario and Sexy Luigi, but I suppose sexy supply hadn't yet caught up with sexy demand. The only downside to this costume is that you have to keep hiding in other castles all night. Bummer.

Sexy Teddy Bear

You know, there's being a Sexy Teddy Bear but then there's eviscerating a teddy bear and crawling inside its skin for Halloween. What I'm saying is, GROSS.

Sexy Troll Doll

Yes, but why.

Sexy Storm Trooper - Option 1

Not impressed, especially compared to Option 2. Next year, hook this costume up with LED lights and you can be Sexy Tron. PS, we can agree that the finger gun is a subtle nod to the fact that Han shot first, yes?

Sexy Storm Trooper - Option 2

J'adore. I specifically enjoy the fact that you can enter wearing the helmet and then remove it in slow motion, shaking out your blonde locks while the camera pans around a room full of guys just AMAZED that such a babe was under that Sexy Storm Trooper costume. Also, this song plays while that happens. Continuing on in Sexy Movieland...

Sexy Cruella De Vil

Whoa. I'm worried about how many gross jokes she'll get about her "puppies." 

Sexy Pink Panther

50% Bettie Page, 50% taking things far too literally, 100% high class.

Sexy Evil Queen from Snow White

It is hilarious to me that this is actually called a Sexy Maleficent costume. INCORRECT, Yandy. Check yourself. I think this might be the perfect Sexy ____ costume for the lady who likes to leave something to the imagination.

Sexy Mike Wazowki

No, really. You're welcome. 

MOVING ON. Are ya hungry?

Sexy Hamburglar

That's all well and good, but for the life of me I could not find a Sexy Grimace costume. Go figure.

Sexy Fries

To go with the Hamburglar, of course. Because nothing says "sexy" like the words "hot fries" right over your vagina. 

Sexy Carrot

I have to give props where props are due: I put this on Facebook a couple of days ago and reader Robert commented that they missed an opportunity for a green necklace here. That's right! This Sexy ____ COULD USE A NECKLACE. Well done, reader Robert. Bravo.

Sexy Pizza

This costume costs $60. That is sixty dollars to wear a mini dress that basically looks like your nipples are off-kilter and your vagina is large, contains multitudes (of pizza). But I guess the pizza crust cowl is kind of worth it, right? Moving on.

Sexy Mime

Guys, nothing makes me laugh harder than Sexy Mime. Also, it's sending the perfect message that you, too, believe that women should be seen and not heard!

Sexy Catwoman

Redundant.

Sexy Wrecking Ball Video

For when you absolutely, positively have to go out of the house in your underwear. The best part, of course, is that this costume does not come with the sledgehammer. 

Sexy Shamu

My roommate recently watched the documentary Blackfish and told me in terrifying detail about how killer whales in captivity have EATEN their trainers and stuff. So I find it pretty fitting that this Sexy Shamu costume is basically a lady in the midst of getting eaten by a whale. Also, what is sexier than dressing up like a whale? I think I have the answer...

Sexy Parrot

Oh my god, somebody, please be a Sexy Bird. It's my new favorite Sexy ___.

Sexy Unicorn

Sparkle Pony lives! Ladies, a word to the wise: please do not dress up as a Sexy Unicorn unless you really know what that means. 

Sexy Leopard

WHOA. There is not enough double stick tape in the world for this.

Sexy Zombie

For when you want your Sexy ___ to also be a Gross ____. Gives new meaning to the phrase "I wanna feel you from the inside." GROSS.

Sexy Prisoner

I like that she has a jaunty pillbox hat. I feel like that really sells it.

Finally, last and certainly most rage-inducing... 

I'm really sad I have to show you this.

I mean really sad and also pretty mad. But you know what? If I had to see it, then so do you:

Sexy Rosie the Riveter

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Let me take you through my reactions. First I was all

And then I was all

But then I looked at it again

But still, I was like

And that turned into

Until I decided

Happy Halloween, everyone! Be careful out there tonight and don't let anyone call you a ho.

gifs from http://wifflegif.com, http://fuckyeahreactions.tumblr.com/.

Emmys 2013: The WTF!

There are three steps to reading the WTF rundown:

Step one: get some pearls.
Step two: put them on.
Step three: prepare to clutch said pearls.

THE WTF!

Amanda Peet!

What in the name of Ghost Hunters is this about? She looks like a creepy doll that's been terrorizing someone's house with bad psychic energy. You guys, what happened to Amanda Peet? I'm truly concerned. Also, you guys, what's going on with this pioneer widow in mourning subtrend? Case in point...

Aubrey Plaza!

Half-Pint at the gravesite.

(Alternately, for those of you more into Disney than Little House,  I'm pretty sure this is the official costume of hostesses at the Haunted Mansion.)

Julianne Hough!

The only possible explanation for this is that she decided to use the Emmys as the stage for her one woman burlesque: Julianne Hough: A Tribute to Waterfalls. Don't go chasing waterfalls, Julianne.

OH YES I DID JUST MAKE THAT JOKE!


Lily Rabe!

Ladies, I know you've been wondering how you'll pull off that Sexy Two-Face costume this Halloween. Lily Rabe has the answer. Just add disfigurement and a coin!

Kate Mara!

From the front, it's just your typical Kate Mara Has Poor Taste look. A bit side slit, some sheer netting, some adhesive tape detail... no big whoop, just what we've mostly come to expect. And then....

This would be the time to clutch your pearls and think of just how much double stick tape had to sacrifice its life for this monstrosity of a garment.

Melissa Leo!
Ladies and gentlemen, you're about to behold a sight so strange, so horrifying, so utterly monstrous, that I urge you who are easily frightened or upset, who suffer from nervous disorders, weak hearts, or queasy stomachs, who experience nightmares, and any children under the age of 16, to forgo witnessing this exhibit. There are only two kinds of freaks ladies and gentlemen. Those created by God, and those made by man. The creature in this pit is a living breathing human being that once was... well, that's another story that happened a long time ago, a long way from here. Look if you must....

Yes, step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to the greatest show on earth.


*thanks to She Freak for the carnival barker quote