2021 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh

Let's see what allllllllllllllmost worked but wasn't awful at the Met Ball!

Normani!

I love this gown. I love the color, I love the volume, I love it on Normani... but I am not a fan of the styling. I think I want a bigger hair choice - maybe not more hair but maybe a fascinator or something. I think the makeup is a little understated for the size of the sleeves, and I want to suggest sapphires or amethysts as precious stone swapouts. That said...

 Kate Hudson!

Answering the question no one asked: what if you made Gwyneth Paltrow's unfortunate 1998 Oscars dress into a two piece and added 12 ostriches worth of pink coat? Honestly, she looks spectacular but this is what I would call A Choice.

Chloe and Halle Bailey!

In my fantasy world, they decided that one would go as the bride and the other would be the bridesmaid who has a wedding at 6 and a Tina Turner tribute show at 7.

Kendall Jenner!

The construction on this gown is absolutely stunning, but this is what I was talking about with Zoe Kravitz. I prefer a diamond g-string to a highly visible granny panty. Look, I love a granny panty. Comfort, function, insulation from thigh to underboob...  Would I wear granny panties to the Met Gala? What do you think?

Gigi Hadid!

Burrito but make it fashion.

Tessa Thompson!

My god, I love this dress. It's so beautiful and cool and looks amazing on her. But what in the Coyote Ugly is happening with these boots and that hat!?

Megan Fox!

I'm not sure how anything stays put in this dress. I would certainly go tits ahoy if I attempted this look. It's beautiful, she looks great, but I am stressed about it.

Audra McDonald!

I appreciate the effort, but I'm underwhelmed.

The Currys!

I love the design of both of these looks but everything seems just a skosh too small here. Ayesha's boobs are trying to escape their too-small cups prison and Steph's tux is just like a quarter to half an inch short on the hem of both the pants and sleeves for my taste. Currys! Don't put stuff in the dryer on high heat!

Elliot Page!

Okay and then the opposite problem. To be clear, I want to give Eliot Page time to explore his style, and I think this is a very specific choice because he has worn highly tailored, form fitting suits on red carpets in past years and I recognize and appreciate that. But I'm just saying I do not think the answer is a suit designed by David Byrne circa Stop Making Sense.

Mary J. Blige!

It truly pains me to say this to my beloved MJB but ... snoozefest.

Gemma Chan!

Is that part of the dress or is she just bringing her own backdrop with her to the red carpet?

Lorde!

Lorde, you are 3 years late. "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination" was the 2018 theme. Then again, what is time anymore?

Kehlani!

I love the suit (yes even with the straps) but I really wish it didn't give her a footectomy. I also wish the mask matched the suit material. I also want to know what percentage of her torso is completely covered in double stick tape. This one really walks the line of Meh/Bad for me (but I've already written the whole description so it's staying here now).

Donatella Versace!

Tell me something I don't know, Donatella Versace.

Lee Pace!

It's a fine look - I really dig the garters - but I think the bowtie needs to be a bit larger. Additionally, I have a really hard time with formal shorts of any kind (which you will see coming up in the next two posts) so this is not lighting me up like it would if it was a skirt or kilt. Thanks to Reader Kate for bringing this to my attention, even though we disagree about the relative greatness of this look.

Cara Delevingne!

I really like this but she should've worn a strap. It would have helped mask the fact that she sat down in the limo, at the very least. 

Oscars 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

Ever so slowly, we're working our way through the Oscars. 

THE MEH

Kelly Marie Tran!

This is a very interesting dress that I don't find entirely successful. Maybe it's a fault of my brain trying to process a new silhouette but she looks like she has just arrived via parachute and the chute is settling itself around her. (And ps, ROSE TICO DESERVED BETTER.)

Adele Dazeem!

A useful dress for when your hands get cold and you need to shove them in your bow to warm up.

Charlize Theron!

It's not offensive and, indeed, it is better than most of what she wore this awards season. I'm just concerned that the one strap has fainted on her arm.

Beanie Feldstein!

I really like the dress, I really like her styling, but I don't like the fabric of the dress and I disagree with the halter. Why is this dress fuzzy? 

Taika Waititi!

It is historically difficult for me to critique TW's fashion because I am distracted by how unrelentingly handsome he is. It truly took some time for me to see that the pants are too big and the jacket is.... not exactly right either. I literally had to look at this photo only from the neck down. These are the things I am willing to endure to bring you the completely random amateur fashion critiques you come here for, my dear readers.

Natalie Portman!

Obviously, I love a dramatic cape embroidered with the names of the snubbed women directors. And obviously she looks very dramatic and witchy, which is always a good thing in my book. However I am not sure I can get behind a bathing suit under an embroidered sheer dress and I definitely know that a golden rope belt is not my cuppa. This is the Answer Hazy Ask Again Later of the red carpet.

Florence Pugh!

While I deeply disagree with these shoes and the mid-calf high-low skirt (lowish-low?), this color is a dream on her and the fit is perfect. 

Renée Zellweger!

Tell us something we don't know, Renée!

Salma Hayek!

It's okayyyyy but it sort of reads like a very high end mythological goddess costume.

Kathy Bates!

I love this suit, especially with the shell! The problem is, it's too big on her. I want to see this whole outfit exactly the same but with more precise tailoring.

Cynthia Erivo!

There is a lot going on here and I would like the opportunity to remove just one element from this look. Not sure if I would change the shoes, the two different cups, the uncomfortable-looking seatbelt strap, or the number of rings worn... but if just one of those things was out, I think I would love this more.

Greta Gerwig!

Hell of a time to learn that olive isn't your color.

Scarlett Johansson!

From afar, I love this look! From close up, I see that the designer ran out of satin and had to hot glue some tinsel to a Pnina Tornai see-through corset.

Geena Davis!

You cannot convince me the top is not body paint.

SAG Awards 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

My dear readers, it has been a wild few weeks in my life and thus we are even farther behind than we were before! Much to discuss, so let's go full steam ahead!

THE MEH

Cynthia Erivo!

I look at this and see the look it almost was but juuuust missed being. The bottom of the dress is huge and fun but the top is oh so eensy teensy. Additionally, I am not a fan of red and pink together. Points for wearing a necklace but with the volume of the skirt she could have been styled with an absolutely enormous statement necklace and it would have helped mitigate the tiny top. 

Jennifer Aniston!

It is so so so close to being the old Hollywood throwback glamour look she was going for. Indeed, the effect is there... until you look closely at the weird side train that somehow bunches at the pelvis and then languishes on the side. I love the draping on the top but I do wish the left strap was a bit thinner to give a more intentionally asymmetrical look. Almost got it, Jen!

Allison Janney!

If the white part went straight across instead of being tacked up as a one-sided invisible cold shoulder, we would have a winner.

Reese Witherspoon!

This is just so meh to me. It's fiiiiiiiine but the makeup is a little off and the shoes are wrong and the dress seems heavy and stodgy.... but she looks nice. Just meh.

D'Arcy Carden!

The fit is off in the bust and wow, girl, that is not your color.

Zoë Kravitz!

It's oh so very Audrey Hepburn but it's just a skosh too long and, again, girl, that is not your color.

Annie Murphy!

A little bit Alexis? More like a little bit unflattering.

La Kidman!

I have never seen anyone age 15 years between awards shows before! Impressive!

Samira Wiley!

There is a whole thing going on this awards season with large ruffles around the midsection and I am not digging it. That said, her head looks incredible and this color is magic on her. 

Jennifer Garner!

Snoozefest.

ScarJo!

The fit is great and the color is a dream but I do not understand the styling and she clearly sat down in the limo. Tsk tsk.

Catherine Zeta-Jones!

The plunge plus the slit compounded by the starburst in the middle somehow make her look boxy. How can you make CZJ look boxy!?!?! Seems like that should be illegal.

Laura Dern!

Vice Admiral Holdo does not deserve football shoulders.

Emily Hampshire!

Again with the proportionizing! The width of that V simply overpowers her frame.

Glenn Close!

This is only in the Meh pile because of the length of those sleeves. I have no problem with Glenn Close wearing a large formal caftan with cape but I do have a problem with the sleeves threatening to become gloves as well.

Golden Globes 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

While we finally have a lot of necklaces on the red carpet, I wish some of them had been different.


THE MEH

Awkwafina!

Someone is going to have to explain to me what Awkwafina has against her own neck. Also the black tulle at her throat makes it look like she's using her own hair as a necklace. I'm not wholly against the idea, I'm just surprised by it. 

Amy Poehler!

This is the right dress with the wrong belt.

Rami Malek!

That tie is simply ridiculous. 

Saoirse Ronan!

This photograph is a poor representation of a really pretty dress, worn with YARDS of double stick tape. I don't love the color on her and I truly dislike the styling. She looks positively undead.

Margot Robbie!

The two halves of this dress have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Much like Salma Hayek's dress (which will be featured in the Bad pile), the white skirt pulls focus completely and overwhelms the look.

Ellen!

The question never really occurred to me but I guess why wouldn't you hand stone an entire suit? 

Natasha Lyonne!

Her hair looks incredible and that bag is everything. That does not make up for the fact that the dress being cut at the ankles stumpifies her and that bow situation is out of control.

Zoë Kravitz!

I like this okay but I think I would love this sleeveless. Dig the lip color.

Reese Witherspoon!

She looks like a very intricately folded washcloth. 

Rooney Mara!

Sure.

Ansel Elgort!

The fit is really good but I gotta tell you, folks, head to toe velvet is quite a swing. So is weirdly singing your presentation script... so I guess that's where Ansel Elgort is: big swing town. 

Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Nick Jonas!

Y'all tried but all of this is a skosh too tight. Loving that necklace, though!

Phoebe Waller-Bridge!

I love the fit on this suit but I very much hate the material and the bow. It looks like a giant bird is in the middle of taking a somewhat transparent crap on her.

Renée Zellweger!

Snoozefest.

Laura Dern!

This is a lot of look. None of it is bad but it's all a lot.

Scarlett Johansson!

Huge taffeta gown with long train doesn't quite work for me with such a slick do and understated makeup. Also some of the reason I am not a huge fan of taffeta is because it shows every half wrinkle and it just doesn't photograph as beautifully as other fabrics. I'd like seeing this dress with a giant blown out bob and some interesting eyeliner. 

Leslie Bibb and Sam Rockwell!

First of all LB is unrecognizable with dark hair. Secondly, this dress makes her look like she's standing on a step stool. Thirdly, what in the Sam hill is happening with the pants!?

Wesley Snipes!

There is a giant velvet bowtie on a pink ruffled shirt and it somehow almost works. 

Christina Applegate!

Another one for the almost works pile! I like this dress a lot but the V is too wide on her and it makes the fit look off. 

Cynthia Erivo!

Something about this gown just seems so heavy to me. I'm also not really feeling these shoes, that bag, nor that specific necklace. I know, I know... I'm so picky!