2019 Emmy Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

There are so many inexplicable outfits yet to see!

THE WTF

Janet Mock!

I am very impressed by her neck strength.

Alex Borstein!

She is wearing her own initials! I am so amused! But facts are facts: this is a costume designer's Masters thesis project. It is a full-on costume.

Carice van Houten!

I almost put this in the Good pile, y'all. I kind of love this dress and I am also feeling the Kabbalah/Frozen-era Madonna hair and makeup. Why is it in the WTF? Because honestly, with everything going on here, did we really need an exaggerated shoulder silhouette?!

James Van Der Beek!

I am concerned that JVDB thinks he's pulling this off. 

Greta Lee!

Head got stuck in the sleeve, decided to just go with it.

Michael K. Williams!

I do not think I've ever seen a suit with leather lapels before. And now I never wish to see one again.

Maisie Williams!

THIS DRESS HAS A SIDE PONYTAIL.

Indya Moore!

So what you're telling me is that you combined a corset with a chapel length loin cloth but the corset isn't so much a bustier as it is bunny ears? Huh. Okay.

Kendall Jenner!

Look, sometimes you have the Emmys at 5 and a fetish party at 10. 

Jenny McCarthy!

Yes, yes, very cute, Alice in Chains. No, we get it. You don't have to explain. Got it. 

Terrence Howard!

In other news, Terrence Howard just opened a Maverick-themed riverboat casino.

Gwendoline Christie!

I love the drama of this but it is 100% a costume. Or one of those face-in-hole boards but for religious imagery. 

Angela Bassett!

The lollipop purse is what makes it art.

Billy Porter!

Usually I am all about BP's red carpet looks but this one is not my fave. Honestly, if it wasn't for that hat, it's would have been in the Bad pile. But the hat is TRULY BANANAS. Didn't even fit in the frame of this photo I stole from the internet!

Natasha Lyonne!

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Dascha Polanco!

Puffed sleeves are just so DONE, you know? Now puffed bows on the other hand...

4 out of 5 Queer Eye Stars!

I could have split this up and analyzed them individually but you really need to have them together to get the full spirit of WTFery. Bobby is keeping it cas with a tshirt under his tux. Tan, of course, looks stunning though the ensemble looks like it weighs about a thousand pounds. Antoni probably was going for a James Bond thing but could very easily be in the title dance number for Hello Dolly! And Karamo... well, Karamo is wearing Céline Dion's billowing curtains from the "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" video.

Zoe Kazan!

This is the stupidest gown I have ever seen. That's pretty much all I have. SO STUPID.

Steven Canals!

Successful magician but make it fashion! Glitter tux with full length sleeves is everything I ever needed. Full Tonga!

2019 Emmy Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The BAD!

If you like red and pink together, you're going to love the Bad pile.

THE BAD

Taraji P. Henson!

Let's just dive right in. I do not know who decided that this was the moment for pink and red but wowza, it really was a moment. As hideous as I find the color combination, I think even if this dress was monochromatic I would still have it here. It looks like a first draft.

Marisa Tomei!

Why is it gathered at the shoulder and at the waist? If you pull both at the same time will a prize pop out of her middle like one of those British Christmas crackers?

Mandy Moore!

Very very concerned about her going tits ahoy. This is like when you think you're being really sexy but you're actually just drunk. 

Susan Kelechi Watson!

I think you know what I'm about to say....

Lin-Manuel Miranda!

Absolutely no part of this suit fits. I am sure that even the shoes are too large.

Amy Poehler!

What in the name of footectomy is happening here!? This further confirms my theory that Amy Poehler Has Taste Issues.

Dan Levy!

While we, as a species, are collectively thirsty for Dan Levy, I, as a Meg, am decidedly NOT thirsty for a brown and black double breasted tux. No matter how beautifully it fits! 

Maya Rudolph!

Wow I hate this dress. Also! I can see her waist! I am very disappointed that there is a real possibility here that Maya Rudolph may have worn spanx. 

Rebecca Henderson!

Luckily Rebecca chose a frock from the Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx fall collection. Phew! I was worried no one would show up in an artfully draped tablecloth.

Hailie Sahar!

Lulu, baby, I love you but this "dress" is actually a very ornate diaper with some chiffon attached. 

Viola Davis!

Now this is a shame because from the chest up, she looks magnificent. Unfortunately, the designer decided to finish a beautiful, simple, velvet gown by pinning half of Julia Gulia's wedding dress on top of it. 

Benicio del Toro!

How is it that the jacket and pants are too large and the shirt and tie are too small? 

Emilia Clarke!

I am not unconvinced that the second skirt is not actually an apron she's tied on top of this dress.

Amy Adams!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Christina Applegate!

What a deeply unflattering dress. YOU DESERVE BETTER CHRISTINA!

Kristen Bell!

I have been trying to think of an artful way to say this but I'm coming up blank so allow me to be blunt: I hate this dress. I think the black is distracting and makes it feel heavier than necessary, I hate the torso flap, I hate the straps around the sides, I just hate it. 

Charlie Barnett!

Charlie, we banned star patterns and embellishments back during the Grammys. What are you doing?

Chrissy Metz!

I want the names of the person who designed this dress and the stylist who convinced Chrissy Metz to wear this dress. Heads will roll. 

Sarah Silverman!

This is EXHAUSTING.

Lena Headey!

This looks not only challenging to walk in, but probably perilously difficult to sit down in. The ruffled sleeves are just an inch shorter than the pelvic flourishes, drawing the eye straight to her middle. Or, anyway, that's what would happen if there wasn't a three foot long black velvet bow clipped to her xiphoid process.

Julia Garner!

HAHAHAHA WUT.

Kerry Washington!

I don't know if you've ever tried to walk in sequined pants or shorts but it's extraordinarily difficult because the sequins just want to hook onto each other until your pants look like Bert doing the penguin scene in Mary Poppins. So congratulations to Kerry Washington for having two distinct legs! 

Laura Linney!

Remember that time in the early 2000s when it was cool to just pop some jeans on under a dress? Laura Linney remembers. Fondly. 

2019 Emmy Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The MEH!

I have to say, as usual, I am mostly bored. 

THE MEH

Mahershala Ali!

This is very, very close to working. At first I thought the problem was the hue of the shirt, but now I think the real problem is the black bow tie and shoes. They pull a lot of focus and skew the whole look.

Ted Danson!

This is perfectly pleasant but I think we need a larger knot in the tie.

Annie Murphy!

Pretty but slightly matronly.

Kate McKinnon!

One time - ONCE- I would like Kate McKinnon to wear a dress that fits well.

Jameela Jamil!

I think the top is far too small on her and bottom is all wrinkled. Love this color for her and there's another coral lip so one more and it's a trend but you all know that I'm thinking: CUAN.

Kit Harington!

This looks great! I wish he wore a tie!

Samantha Bee!

I like the idea of this suit but the shoes are completely wrong and ruining all of the proportions.

Our Lady J!

I love this look except for the bottom 5 inches. It's too short and I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate those heels. 

Emily Hampshire!

It's fine, just a little bit boring for me and the bag clashes.

Andrew Scott!

The tux is a bit too large and I'm not feeling the bow tie. Also let me take this moment to say y'all can have your Hot Priest, I'm all about Moriarty. 

Laverne Cox!

Okay, I can be into this but one question: is that a HAT on your SHOULDER?!

Isla Fisher!

Shiny! Oh but darling, platinum is not your color.

Anna Chlumsky!

Oh wow I love her hair and makeup very much. I'm not sure about this dress. The pattern feels very 80s to me and I think it's a bit too long. 

Busy Philipps!

I think the hairstyle is wrong for this dress and to be honest, I think the dress is a little snoozy. 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus!

Tell me something I don't know, JLD.

Leslye Headland!

The fit is great and her makeup is excellent but the shape of those sleeves is incorrect. Imagine this with a tighter sleeve that ended in a point going down the side of her hands. That would be perfect. 

Amy Sedaris!

I cannot fault her for doing her Amy Sedaris thing, I just think that thing isn't working here. And it's a little casual. 

Aidy Bryant!

FAR, far too casual.

RuPaul!

Love the bellbottoms and the cravat but this pink really washes him out. 

Lilly Singh!

The dress equivalent of keeping one foot outside the covers while you sleep.

Jodie Comer!

What's up with the sleeves? More importantly, what's up with the shoe?

Sam Richardson!

I love this jacket! I love the idea of pairing it with navy pants! I would have gone with a navy bow tie and a different shoe. Maybe a dark grey shoe? Not sure that would be right either, but definitely not black. 

Mj Rodriguez!

Those bows are awful and the skirt is wrinkled. I think maybe instead of those two horrible bows, I would have done a sash right at the waist, maybe on a slight bias? I am really into how beautiful this fuchsia looks on her. 

Patricia Arquette!

General Kenobi. Years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack, and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Kathryn Newton!

Okay, so you paired a halter vest with a handkerchief skirt. That don't impress-a me much.

Regina King!

Our queen! She looks stunning in this color and I'm digging the hair but for real... I look at this dress and that waist harness situation and all I see is a different Regina: Regina George.