2019 Emmy Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The BAD!

If you like red and pink together, you're going to love the Bad pile.

THE BAD

Taraji P. Henson!

Let's just dive right in. I do not know who decided that this was the moment for pink and red but wowza, it really was a moment. As hideous as I find the color combination, I think even if this dress was monochromatic I would still have it here. It looks like a first draft.

Marisa Tomei!

Why is it gathered at the shoulder and at the waist? If you pull both at the same time will a prize pop out of her middle like one of those British Christmas crackers?

Mandy Moore!

Very very concerned about her going tits ahoy. This is like when you think you're being really sexy but you're actually just drunk. 

Susan Kelechi Watson!

I think you know what I'm about to say....

Lin-Manuel Miranda!

Absolutely no part of this suit fits. I am sure that even the shoes are too large.

Amy Poehler!

What in the name of footectomy is happening here!? This further confirms my theory that Amy Poehler Has Taste Issues.

Dan Levy!

While we, as a species, are collectively thirsty for Dan Levy, I, as a Meg, am decidedly NOT thirsty for a brown and black double breasted tux. No matter how beautifully it fits! 

Maya Rudolph!

Wow I hate this dress. Also! I can see her waist! I am very disappointed that there is a real possibility here that Maya Rudolph may have worn spanx. 

Rebecca Henderson!

Luckily Rebecca chose a frock from the Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx fall collection. Phew! I was worried no one would show up in an artfully draped tablecloth.

Hailie Sahar!

Lulu, baby, I love you but this "dress" is actually a very ornate diaper with some chiffon attached. 

Viola Davis!

Now this is a shame because from the chest up, she looks magnificent. Unfortunately, the designer decided to finish a beautiful, simple, velvet gown by pinning half of Julia Gulia's wedding dress on top of it. 

Benicio del Toro!

How is it that the jacket and pants are too large and the shirt and tie are too small? 

Emilia Clarke!

I am not unconvinced that the second skirt is not actually an apron she's tied on top of this dress.

Amy Adams!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Christina Applegate!

What a deeply unflattering dress. YOU DESERVE BETTER CHRISTINA!

Kristen Bell!

I have been trying to think of an artful way to say this but I'm coming up blank so allow me to be blunt: I hate this dress. I think the black is distracting and makes it feel heavier than necessary, I hate the torso flap, I hate the straps around the sides, I just hate it. 

Charlie Barnett!

Charlie, we banned star patterns and embellishments back during the Grammys. What are you doing?

Chrissy Metz!

I want the names of the person who designed this dress and the stylist who convinced Chrissy Metz to wear this dress. Heads will roll. 

Sarah Silverman!

This is EXHAUSTING.

Lena Headey!

This looks not only challenging to walk in, but probably perilously difficult to sit down in. The ruffled sleeves are just an inch shorter than the pelvic flourishes, drawing the eye straight to her middle. Or, anyway, that's what would happen if there wasn't a three foot long black velvet bow clipped to her xiphoid process.

Julia Garner!

HAHAHAHA WUT.

Kerry Washington!

I don't know if you've ever tried to walk in sequined pants or shorts but it's extraordinarily difficult because the sequins just want to hook onto each other until your pants look like Bert doing the penguin scene in Mary Poppins. So congratulations to Kerry Washington for having two distinct legs! 

Laura Linney!

Remember that time in the early 2000s when it was cool to just pop some jeans on under a dress? Laura Linney remembers. Fondly.