2019 Tony Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

My dear readers, we may have thought we had escaped the scourge of sheer overlay but it's back back back again.

THE BAD

Karen Olivo!

What if there was a sexy tux but the jacket was also an old school grandma in a perpetual state of mourning?

Sara Bareilles (with Joe Tippett)!

I just don't understand this dress. It's completely sheer but also mostly velvet somehow. The length is somewhat awkward and the bust is a bit roomy. Add to that the flat hair and the CUAN of it all and this is just a mess. 

Vanessa Hudgens!

It's a little MTV Movie Awards for the Tonys, no? Also what in the name of house arrest are those shoes?

Erich Bergen!

So we're gonna pipe everything except the pockets? If you're going to outline a suit, why half-ass it? By the way, even if the pockets were lined I would still hate this.

Benjamin Walker!

You tried, I guess.

Rachel Chavkin (with Jake Heinrichs)!

I'm so excited that she won! If you have not yet done so, please watch her speech. I loved it. I do not, however, love what is happening here. The sheer overlay that doesn't quite hit the floor, the halter neckline, the eye shadow shade... it's all quite challenging. 

David Henry Hwang (with Kathryn Layng)!

That suit is a full size and a half too large. 

Kristin Chenoweth!

LOL WUT.

Sarah Stiles!

I truly wonder what this would look like without the pink tulle and with a more delicate collar. I'll bet it would not be half bad! 

Jeremy Pope!

CHOICES WERE MADE!

Anaïs Mitchell (with Noah Hahn)!

The call is coming from inside the dress! Get out of there!

Amber Gray (with Gaylen Hamilton)!

This is the spiritual cousin of that Onion article about manditory unisex uniforms on the red carpet. TBH, she looks cool as hell but I either hate the tunic or the shoes but probably both?

Marisa Tomei!

Extremely high end bathing suit/beach coverup combo.

James Corden (with Julia Carey)!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Laura Osnes (with Nathan Johnson)!

Her dress is vomiting in a very Barbie-specific way.

Lucy Liu!

Wow I hate this dress. I hate that the tiers don't overlap because it makes the skirt end fairly harshly three times. I don't think that jade is the right accessory color. And I deeply despise the sad little tulle bra over the bust. Lucy, if this is a cry for help I am hearing you loud and clear.

Danai Gurira!

This is extraordinarily literal! It is also quite matronly! I don't understand what I am seeing!

Julie White!

Wow. Ok, I need a moment. 

While I compose myself let me tell you that I saw Julie White in Gary last week and she was terrific. I disliked the show, but I loved her performance. It was truly a gift to watch her act. 

I think I have composed myself enough to give a critique now. Ah, yes, I know what this is. It's a Full Patton.