I sincerely think I'm getting dumber.
I used to fancy myself quite a smart lady. I thought big thoughts, I read big books, I thought about those books, I saw challenging movies, I had larger conversations, I wanted knowledge for the sake of knowledge. More than knowledge, I wanted personal growth. I wanted to think deeply about the things I took for granted, I wanted to think hard on my future and why I wanted what I thought I wanted. I did a lot of writing, a lot of thinking. Now? Not so much.
IN FACT! I just took a break from writing this to look up this photo to show Reader Katya that Justin Bieber was wearing poopy diaper pants the other day.
I AM GETTING DUMBER.
I don't like that. I like being smart, inquisitive, insightful. I've been reading my friend Adrienne's amazing arts blog and just feeling the chasm grow between my former self and my present self. Obviously, this isn't Adrienne's fault. And obviously there is a lot of time in our world for both intellectual analysis and Justin Bieber poopy pants. Too much of one or the other makes us all very dull.
The thing is: I know I still have the capacity to think deeply and learn. Or as my grad school friends say, "unpack." (PS - why is that such a specifically grad school word? Cause it really is.) And sometimes I start to think deeper, start to figure things out, start to ask the hardest hard questions. And sometimes I do start to re-read The Second Sex because I cannot remember the finer points. But it always seems to be at the end of a long day and the unpacking is so exhausting and The Second Sex is not the world's #1 guilty pleasure book and I end up giving up and going to some thought, some entertainment, something that demands nothing of me.
I mean not EVERY day but... too much
And then I feel lazy and kind of dumb. And mad because I do not have a Time Turner which would enable me to make more time in the day during which I could sit down and figure things out. I guess what I'm saying is: can I get an amen? Does anyone else feel stultified* like I do?
Maybe I just need to grow up and tough it out. I'm almost 33. You'd think I'd be tough by now. But I'm about as tough as the Sharks and Jets. And guys? Musical theatre tough isn't actually tough. It's pretty, though!
*True fact: I have been in love with the word stultify since I first heard it on Lisa Loeb's debut album, Tails.
True fact #2: I still listen to Lisa Loeb all the time.