Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Hair Down There

My dear readers, I know... I know. I don't call, I don't write, I don't send you flowers anymore. I'm in the midst of making a show (more on that at a later date), so life is kind of hectic.


Holy lord, I could not keep this from you. My lovely friend Jane sent out the latest ad from PETA yesterday and I'm sitting here with thoughts. I have thoughts on hair.

Jane actually sent out the article from the Ms. blog about said ad. There are a lot of salient points in that thar article.
Does “it’s for a good cause” excuse exploiting, dehumanizing and sexualizing women? Do we want to get behind animal rights when they’re packaged as caged, unclothed pregnant women on all fours, women marked up as cuts of meat, women being beaten with baseball bats, and (more than once) the likening of our natural pubic hair to clothing made from the skinned fur of slaughtered animals?

Indeed, Ms. Indeed.

So, okay: you get hair ripped out of your labia majora and PETA gets a cut. On one hand, there are tons of women who rock this style and might as well have some of their beauty dollars go to a good cause. On the other hand, good try PETA. I am not going to sacrifice my gloriously full bush to your organization.

You heard me: glorious. This is where my thoughts come in. Get ready.

I am all about personal style. You know this. This is not shocking. Many of my friends rock what I call "the full banana" (note: this is not catching on, sadly) because they feel smooth is sexy and wonderful. Go, girls. And boys. I take issue when a lady friend tells me that the full banana* is "cleaner." What is that about? I shower every day. I change my underwear. I have proper hygiene. My hairy cootch is just as clean as your baby smooth one. If you bic'd your hair, would your head be considered cleaner than mine?

Another layer of this, of course, is the male gaze. I have a problem with dressing and styling oneself for the sexual gratification of others. This is one of the reasons I always try to refrain from telling someone I'm dating that they need a haircut. I would hate it if a partner said that to me. It would feel like I was styling myself for their gratification, and that is no good. I love dressing up or getting my hair cut or wearing makeup or choosing jewelry or shoes that help me feel my best. In fact, everything that goes on around my face and head is my favorite mode of self-expression. This is why I dye my hair so much.

Here's the bottom line: my personal opinion on hair is HOORAY. I like body hair, especially pubic hair. It's adult and it's great. I'm not against general upkeep (though it's impressive if underarm hair can be braided), but I do like to know that when I'm hitting the sheets I am doing so with an adult. So thanks, but no thanks, PETA. I really don't think my glorious downstairs style is the same as skinning an animal and wearing it for fashion. Fur is gross, hair is awesome.

*should I stop trying to make "the full banana" happen?


  1. I hate PETA. And I'm a hippie. I groom, 'cos my full bush makes me itchy. TMI!!!

  2. I have thoughts! And opionions!

    First of all, no, you should not. I love "the full banana." I will try to spread the word.

    Secondly, I myself attempt the full banana every four weeks, but a) it is CERTAINLY not cleaner and b) I don't even think it's particularly sexy. Let me elaborate:

    -Hair is there for a REASON. The reason is that when it's not there, pee splashes all over the damn place. If you have hair it works as a splash shield, and the pee is contained, and the hair can be easily wiped off. But if you don't, the circumference of the splash zone is quite surprising. It gets halfway down my goddamned thigh sometimes. (Also, bits of TP get stuck to your lips when there is no hair there. That is also gross.)

    -You can't have sex the first 24 hours after you are waxed, because the follicles are all open and shit and you don't want to get sweat and/or anything else in there. Then you have, like, two days tops where you're 98% smooth. Then the stubble starts up and it's just a waiting game until the next time you visit the aesthetician. Seriously, there's like a two days window of smooth. Two days! That is not very many days, considering the cost and potential pain.

    Honestly, 75% of the reason I get waxed at this point is because I ADORE my aesthetician and thoroughly enjoy the twenty minutes we spend together every month. The other 25% is that I don't have to bother maintaining anything myself. My husband doesn't give two shits about it.


    P.S. Also fuck PETA, those guys are douchebags.