2023 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

When it comes to the Met Gala, you have to go big with the theme or a look or a performance element. Remember when Billy Porter was carried in on a litter? Or when Gaga had multiple looks as she made her way up the steps? Or when Rihanna was an ornate omelette? That is the kind of energy we are looking for. Something pretty just isn't going to cut it. It's fine to be lovely, but at this event - even if it's styled to perfection-  that's just Meh.

Ariana DeBose!

I regret to inform you that Ariana DeBose did not do the thing. She almost did the thing but not quite. While I appreciate her trying to use her hair as a necklace, this most definitely CUAN.

David Byrne!

Points for the bicycle, yes, but ever since I saw Bad Bunny I need all white suits to be backless. Sorry David Byrne.

Viola Davis!

She is stunning, of course as usual, but it looks like she's changing behind a very elaborate privacy screen.

Jennifer Lynn Lopez (who should have been nominated for an Oscar for Hustlers)!

Okay first of all, my dear readers, I need to share with you that I just googled to make sure it's Lynn and not Lynne and JENNIFER LOPEZ CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO AFFLECK. Can you imagine taking Ben Affleck's name? Can you imagine being JENNIFER LYNN LOPEZ WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR FOR HUSTLERS and taking Ben Affleck's name!? Let me be clear: I'm not against people changing their names after marriage, I am against Ben Affleck.

Anyway, the dress is nice -it definitely evokes the green dress by showing off the sternum and belly except it is a less successful look. The line is abruptly cut by the kooshball at her throat and the shoes look exhausting. Dig the hat tho!

Gwendolyn Christie!

She has no arms and is all one color. ZZZZzzzzzzz.

Olivia Wilde!

This is a version of a classic KL design - the violin dress - and it fits the theme and it's fine but I don't like it very much. I just think it's kind of boring and the Bracelets of Submission are distracting. Also Margaret Zhang wore the same dress in black (which I liked better).

DRAMA!

Billie Eilish!

It's fine but I'm borrrrrrrrrred.

Kate Moss (with daughter Lila)!

Unto every Met Gala, some Snuffleupagus fur must fall. I wish this nightgown on Kate was a hilarious throwback on her pal Naomi's famous line about not getting out of bed for less than $10,000... but I think it might just be a nightgown. A nightgown with a sad chiffon sleeve afterthought. But would you look at that necklace? Love to see it.

 Dua Lipa!

I really like this and almost put it in the Good pile but I think ultimately there's just not enough there there. And it's giving me Little Bo Peep vibes minus sheep. OMG - Dula Bo Peep! 

Gisele!

She looks beautiful as always and I love not having to see Tom anymore, but why is she dressed as a peacock that got stuck in some vertical blinds? And how many times did she flap during the evening? Because the flap is the interesting part! Just imagining Gabrielle Union muttering to Dwyane Wade, "Gisele is over there flapping again." 

Kristen Stewart!

The mental gymnastics I went through to try to like this! I almost like it but the little sheer belly button part of the shirt, the three-pronged tie, the silhouette of the pants... I just can't get there. I think the look she was attempting was successful, but I don't care for it.

Margot Robbie!

Snoozefest.


Florence Pugh!

That hat is FANTASTIC. I have no idea how she got through any doorways but I don't care, it's a moment! Unfortunately the dress is an artfully arranged duvet with a pathetic little bow that is NOT going to keep her from going tits ahoy, I fear.

Nicole Kidman!

Nic wore the dress from the Chanel commercial with shoes that don't go and what appears to be a hair elastic on her wrist. But she looks pretty and it's fun to have the throwback. Even half-assed attempts feel good in a place like this.

Rihanna! Again!

Ah yes, here's the reveal. It's okay, it's just that the fit is way off on the bust and I absolutely hate that flower. You don't need the flower on the dress itself when the jacket is all flowers. Get it out of there.