Thursday, September 23, 2021

2021 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad

 Remember how painful it was to see MJB in the Meh? Hold on to your hats (quite literally in some instances here) because some much beloved WTS faves made some Choices at the Met Ball.

Taika Waititi (seen here with Rita Ora)!
As a "long time-long time" of Who? Weekly, one of the most fun podcasts of all time, it brings me extreme joy to feature Rita Ora. I actually have no problem with her getup, as it is both very Rita and very pretty and I know I just dinged Kate Hudson for a crop top but this is actually far MORE clothing than I've ever seen on Rita so that's that. I want to talk to you about Taika Waititi and the fact that he flew to New York with his suit folded in a suitcase and did not have the decency to steam it before the Met Gala. Perhaps I'm on my Jump To Conclusions Mat but you look at the creases on that jacket and tell me what else could have possibly happened. I am horrified. Crunch crunch.

Cynthia Erivo!
Holy shit, this is the couture version of a Ta-Ta Towel! Also... I am desperately hoping that one of you, my dear readers, is an owner of a Ta-Ta Towel because I need the first hand scoop on these things. They are hilar.

Rebecca Hall!
Upstairs, Downstairs, Fetish Dungeon.

Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello!
This was an extreme amount of effort. The effort is just pouring off of them. That does not make it good.

Gillian Anderson!
It looks like her midsection is still loading.

Symone!
Current reigning in the wrong color wig and cliffhangers? I love you, what are you doing? The dress is killer, though.

Emily Ratajkowski!
They grew old together, and soon Emily Ratajkowski became very sick. The doctor said she would die soon. Her husband sat by her bed, becoming increasingly distraught and then he finally said, "Please, tell me now, why do you always wear that gigantic flower at your neck?" In a croaky voice, Emily Ratajkowski replied, "Okay, I'll tell you. Take it off now." Her husband reached for the absolutely gigantic flower with trembling fingers. He pulled it loose and her head fell off.

Julia Garner!
Wow, in a big surprise to myself, I hate visible bathing suit under sheer gown even more than I hate visible granny panties. 

Kristen Stewart!
Yo, I am so hype to see her in Spencer - the trailer dropped today and it looks GREAT. Unlike this outfit which is the opposite of great. Generously, I can read this as a take on American Fashion that nods to Elvis and Roy Orbison and the intersection of country and rock... but that's gonna be a stretch. Her hair and makeup are great, so that's something?

Tracee Ellis Ross!
Strong choices.

Diane Kruger!
I really like the color combination. Not on her, per se, but I like the butter neon outfit with hot fuchsia shoes. I am really baffled by this look - workout shirt with extra long train and bubble skirt which could very well be formal shorts? I know that Diane likes to push it but yikes. Oh and speaking of formal shorts...

Vera Wang!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Regina King (seen here with Michael Kors)!
This hurts me. 

Regina King: Wears upscale Guys and Dolls costume to the Met Gala
Meg:

Regina, you may have to consciously uncouple from MK. Dick Tracy But Make It Fashion is NOT IT.

Maisie Williams!
Bubble, bubble, toil and... all that jazz!

Jennifer Lynn Lopez (who should have been nominated for many awards for Hustlers)!
Jennifer! Just because you are doing a fun reboot with Ben does not need we also need an edgy reboot of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman! This is hilar, this is a costume, this is... oh my god, JLo came as Sexy Wyatt Earp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For that and that alone, this has earned Full Paltrow.












 




Wednesday, September 22, 2021

2021 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh

Let's see what allllllllllllllmost worked but wasn't awful at the Met Ball!

Normani!
I love this gown. I love the color, I love the volume, I love it on Normani... but I am not a fan of the styling. I think I want a bigger hair choice - maybe not more hair but maybe a fascinator or something. I think the makeup is a little understated for the size of the sleeves, and I want to suggest sapphires or amethysts as precious stone swapouts. That said...

 Kate Hudson!
Answering the question no one asked: what if you made Gwyneth Paltrow's unfortunate 1998 Oscars dress into a two piece and added 12 ostriches worth of pink coat? Honestly, she looks spectacular but this is what I would call A Choice.

Chloe and Halle Bailey!
In my fantasy world, they decided that one would go as the bride and the other would be the bridesmaid who has a wedding at 6 and a Tina Turner tribute show at 7.

Kendall Jenner!
The construction on this gown is absolutely stunning, but this is what I was talking about with Zoe Kravitz. I prefer a diamond g-string to a highly visible granny panty. Look, I love a granny panty. Comfort, function, insulation from thigh to underboob...  Would I wear granny panties to the Met Gala? What do you think?

Gigi Hadid!
Burrito but make it fashion.

Tessa Thompson!
My god, I love this dress. It's so beautiful and cool and looks amazing on her. But what in the Coyote Ugly is happening with these boots and that hat!?

Megan Fox!
I'm not sure how anything stays put in this dress. I would certainly go tits ahoy if I attempted this look. It's beautiful, she looks great, but I am stressed about it.

Audra McDonald!
I appreciate the effort, but I'm underwhelmed.

The Currys!
I love the design of both of these looks but everything seems just a skosh too small here. Ayesha's boobs are trying to escape their too-small cups prison and Steph's tux is just like a quarter to half an inch short on the hem of both the pants and sleeves for my taste. Currys! Don't put stuff in the dryer on high heat!

Elliot Page!
Okay and then the opposite problem. To be clear, I want to give Eliot Page time to explore his style, and I think this is a very specific choice because he has worn highly tailored, form fitting suits on red carpets in past years and I recognize and appreciate that. But I'm just saying I do not think the answer is a 
suit designed by David Byrne circa Stop Making Sense.

Mary J. Blige!
It truly pains me to say this to my beloved MJB but ... snoozefest.

Gemma Chan!
Is that part of the dress or is she just bringing her own backdrop with her to the red carpet?

Lorde!
Lorde, you are 3 years late. "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination" was the 2018 theme. Then again, what is time anymore?

Kehlani!
I love the suit (yes even with the straps) but I really wish it didn't give her a footectomy. I also wish the mask matched the suit material. I also want to know what percentage of her torso is completely covered in double stick tape. This one really walks the line of Meh/Bad for me (but I've already written the whole description so it's staying here now).

Donatella Versace!
Tell me something I don't know, Donatella Versace.

Lee Pace!
It's a fine look - I really dig the garters - but I think the bowtie needs to be a bit larger. Additionally, I have a really hard time with formal shorts of any kind (which you will see coming up in the next two posts) so this is not lighting me up like it would if it was a skirt or kilt. Thanks to Reader Kate for bringing this to my attention, even though we disagree about the relative greatness of this look.

Cara Delevingne!
I really like this but she should've worn a strap. It would have helped mask the fact that she sat down in the limo, at the very least. 

Monday, September 20, 2021

2021 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Good - Part Two

Happy Monday! Let's get down to business.

Lil Nas X!
Absolutely gorgeous... and then!
Amazing! .... and then!
Stunning! Three custom Versace looks?! I bow down to you, Lil Nas X. This was a thrill.

Hailee Steinfeld!
If you're going to unveil a whole new you, this is the way to do it. I don't normally dig a monotone look that blends skin/hair/dress/shoes but it's giving me time lapse microscopic snowflake melt and I am into it.

Amandla Stenberg!
What a fun and commanding look, inspired by ballroom, playing with shape and texture and expectation. I am deeply in love with these shoes, in particular.

Wanna do some gowns? Let's do some gowns...

Venus Williams!
Straightforward gowns are not usually all that exciting to me at the Met Gala and usually end up in the Meh. That said, I am so delighted and charmed by this look on Venus. I could argue that it CUAN, but I do like the earrings that are the size of her face. I might be convinced that they do enough!

Billie Eilish!
Now THAT is a gown! I love that she did this very soft drag for the Met Ball, completely against expectation. 

Jennifer Hudson!
The fit on the dress and the impact of all that voluminous silk! What a fantastic look!

Sienna Miller, Hamish Bowles, and Emily Blunt!
Show me a more hilarious and glamorous photo, I dare you.

Mj Rodriguez!
I die. Please someone, call 911 for I have been murdered. There's really only one other thing to say about this...

Justin and Hailey Bieber!
With the full acknowledgement that if he posed/stood in any other way this would look like culottes, I am really impressed by both looks. I love the zipper motif on Hailey and I'm just so excited by Justin's tux by way of JNCO. I am not joking. Masc fashion is SO MUCH FUN right now!

Pete Davidson!
Case in point! For me, this was one of the best looks of the night. I'm not sure who is styling Pete Davidson but I'm confident in my assumption that it is not Pete Davidson himself. 

Gabrielle Union!
We are not worthy! What an incredible work of art! The nude illusion is shockingly good, too. This is the kind of dress that makes your breath catch in your throat.

Dominic Cooper!
What says American Fashion more succinctly than Miami Vice 2021? I love the way this is styled, I love the silk shirt, I love the colors. This could have come off extremely costumey but he's working it. Good on you, Dominic Cooper. 

Winnie Harlow!
She said this had a "superhero feeling" to it and I hereby petition Marvel, DC, every comics label to please add Super Winnie Harlow to your roster.