Sexy __________ Halloween Costume Roundup 2023!

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Here we gather once again to look at the latest and greatest sexy __________ Halloween costumes. Before we dive into yet another crop of crop tops and yeast infections waiting to happen, let's all take a moment of silence as we remember the true reason for the season:

Any questions? 

Sexy Sherlock Holmes!

About 15 years ago I saw a Sexy Sherlock in the wild and it was one of the greatest moments of my life. I love the update on this, going with a slightly longer vest and hounds tooth panties ... with a see-through tinted capelet, mais oui. A tinted capelet, for when you want that shady car driving around the neighborhood feeling for your shoulders.

Sexy Dallas Cowboys Player!

I can speak for all of Philadelphia when I say I wholly reject this. Go Birds, Dallas sucks, 7-1 baybee, this is our year. 

Sexy Freddy Krueger!

This is just Freddy Krueger without pants. I am not mad at it, I'm just saying that the Sexy ___ options get a lot easier if you just take a normal costume and delete pants.

Sexy Mario and Sexy Luigi!

I feel that we have perhaps seen these before, but they are back back back again with fuzzy hats and (checks notes) mesh turtleneck sleeves. 

Sexy Cammy from Street Fighter!

Literally just a Cammy costume. I had to include it in the roundup but it really doesn't feel like a big stretch for Yandy.

Sexy Mummy!

Sure.

Sexy Cheerleader!

Congratulations to Yandy for finding new ways to showcase underboob. I am truly impressed.

Sexy Hippie!

Love the psychedelic pubic hair situation peeking out of the jeans thong.

Sexy Ronald McDonald and Sexy Hamburglar!

As much as I love when Yandy gives you just the top of a shirt and sleeves, the comically large burger tie is really the hero of this couple's costume.

Sexy Hit Me Baby One More Time Era Britney!

Oh yeah. Fo’ shiz. Fo’ shiz. (If you don't know... well... go here.)

Sexy D&D Girl!

But wait! There's more....

Sexy D&D Guy!

This is the only Sexy Dude entry I have for this year's roundup but WHAT A SHOWING. The "chain mail" on the shorts! The furry cuffs! 

Sexy Cruella!

Another year, another Sexy Cruella costume. I like this one because it has almost nothing to do with Cruella DeVil, a true hallmark of the Sexy ___ Halloween tradition.

Sexy Fanta Girls!

I did not expect this group costume to burst onto the scene in this, the year of our lord Regina King 2023. And yet, here we are. Wanta Fanta, don'tcha wanta?!

Sexy Little Mermaid!

Unsurprisingly, there are a LOT of Sexy Little Mermaid options this year, so I chose the one that is the most unhinged. You know what I never knew I needed in my life until this moment? SEE THROUGH MERMAID PANTS BABY! You know why? Because legs are required for jumpin, dancing... walking around on those - what's that word again? Oh. Lucite platform heels.

Sexy Marie Antoinette!

Now, see, THIS is the kind of creative dirtbag thinking I'm expecting from Yandy. The decision to go Rococo with a crotch window is art to me. Thank you, Yandy, for another year of fun.

2023 Tony Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The Amazing

My dear readers, I simply had to pop back out of WTS retirement to cover the Tony Awards red carpet.... welllllll part of it anyway. Because I don't actually care that Lupita wore that stunning breast plate (actually really do care) nor that Groban bedazzled his jacket nor that Michelle Williams is still trotting out that same old silhouette nor that La Chastain wore a big ole cape (actually really do care) nor that Ariana DeBose did the thing - no! I only care about one thing... 

All around excellent human James Ijames looked gorgeous. 

The Good Amazing

James Ijames!

Speaking on behalf of Philadelphia, we already knew - but it's nice for the rest of the world to catch up. Love this tux, dig the shoes, the bowtie is absolutely correct. James deserves the adoration of the world, in my opinion... and maybe a really nice vacation after all this.

Okay, back to retirement now.

2023 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

My dear readers, as with all Met Galas, the WTF is a generous pile of wonder. These WTF looks generally fall into three categories: 

• how are you wearing that and not revealing your nipples and/or genitals
• OMG that is amazing
• my brain is unable to comprehend what is happening

But this year there is also a secret category... what could it be? Let's go in order, shall we? 

How Are You Wearing That and Not Revealing Your Nipples and/or Genitals?!

Rita Ora!

Okay first of all, I cannot imagine a world where there is enough double stick tape to make me confident that the entirety of the Met Gala would not suddenly become my gynecologist while walking. But this is the over the top sheer draping I was talking about with Gigi Hadid yesterday. Yes give me TWO trains, elaborate appliques, more drama. And, yes, more danger too.

Rachel Brosnahan!

Twist around too fast to see Gisele flapping behind you and it's nips o'clock! Also, I hope she had at least bandaids because I can only imagine the chaffing. 

Michaela Coel!

How would one walk in such an amazing creation without also revealing the entirety of one's bathing suit areas?

Pedro Pascal!

His ENTIRE KNEES are showing on the red carpet! Escandalo! 

OMG That Is Amazing

Janelle Monae!

This is so wild and I just love it. They really know how to bring the drama to the show, keeping on theme but also within the realm of their signature colors and style. 

Anok Yai!

The extreme corsetry makes her look like she was not dressed so much as carved out of marble into this look. It's a little bit jelly fish, a little bit liquid, and the look is  pretty amazing to behold.

Anna Wintour and Bill Nighy!

"Just good friends" yeah right. I looooove this turn of events. Please actually be dating.

Jeremy Pope!

Why yes of course it's a staircase-length cape bearing KL's image. What did you think Jeremy Pope was going to show up in? A violin dress? Let's get another look.

My Brain Is Unable To Comprehend What Is Happening

Erykah Badu!

Erykah Badu took inspiration this year from long haired highland cows.

Penelope Cruz!

Pen Cruz made her first holy communion at the Met Gala.

 Yung Miami (seen here with Diddy)!

Unfortunate timing that Yung Miami was forced to wear a recovery cone collar to the Met Gala but at least no one could get close enough for a hug. And, as I mentioned in the Good, Diddy is wearing a fine but less successful version of Brian Tyree Henry's look.

Alton Mason!

Sure.

And finally! Our secret fourth category....

People Dressed as Choupette, the Cat

Doja Cat!

Extra points to Doja Cat for going for Choupette But Make It Fashion and a million points forever to her for only answering any reporter questions with "meow." Hero.

Ugh Jared Leto!

This freakin guy. Did you see the video of Lizzo hugging him and mouthing over his shoulder "who is this?" Her reaction when she finds out who she is hugging is classique. 

Lil Nas X!

I mean! THIS is how you dress as a cat for the Met Gala. This is so astounding, I would even go so far as to say it is a Full Tonga!

And that's a wrap! Thank you as always for reading! xo

2023 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

May the 4th be with you (those raised Catholic: and also with you)! Gird your loins and get ready for some frightful missteps. At this point I don't think we have a Full Paltrow, but who knows? By the time I get to the end of a rant about a look sometimes I decide it's a crime against all that is sacred and it turns into a Full Paltrow. Let's roll the dice.

Paris Hilton!

Let's talk about the fit on this gown and how ... it doesn't. I don't know if the shoes are meant to be seen but the hemline on this does not feel intentional. Also the fit on the bust and the sleeves looks baggy - again, if this was meant to look ruched, it was unsuccessful. I want so much more for Paris.

Olivia Rodrigo!

First of all, CUAN. I like the top of this but the strings are killing me. When I tell you Roxxy Andrews did it better on a dress made out of candy, well...

Emily Blunt!

Points for secret pants, but explain to me how the rest of this goes together. The skirt is too long, the blouse is overly fussy, and then we have the bow and flower which just absolutely exhaust me. I swear I am not against flowers - just I don't like how this looks! None of these elements talks to each other, they are all just thrown together like a weird salad made of gummy bears, radishes, and cottage cheese. 

Jessica Chastain!

Oh girl. Oh no. Oh no no no.

Ben Platt!

Remember back in the Good pile when we were talking about Jenna Ortega and how she was wearing the couture and I said we would later have an example of the opposite? Welcome to the example. These clothes are wearing Ben Platt so hard, he can hardly even smize! The effort was there, certainly, but it's just not working. Couture 1, Ben Platt 0.

Gigi Hadid!

Perhaps you feel that this is fine and you are welcome to feel this way. Come back tomorrow after you've seen Rita Ora wear the superior version of this with more flair. We did see quite a few of these riffs on the KL exposed hip bones thing, but when it's so sheer like this look, I want way more detailing. This probably would have ended up in the Meh if I hadn't see Rita's version. Give me sheer but make it completely bananas over the top. 

Karen Elson!

Okay but not like that, that's TOO bananas. I love that she looks like she just got back from Six Flags and spent all her money at the giant tissue paper flower booth. This dress is like underboob yes, maybe a hint at crotch, but god forbid they know you have a neck! 

Serena Williams (seen here with Alexis Ohanian)!

What in the Dynasty/Dallas/Knots Landing/Falcon Crest fever dream is going on here!?

Glenn Close!

We all know that feeling when you come home from a long day Duchess-ing and throw the nearest bedspread around your shoulders for warmth and comfort. And listen, we know I am all for necklaces but this is A Lot Of Necklace. A lot. 

Anne Hathaway!

I surprised myself by the intensity with which I hate this dress. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it and I think it comes down to two things: the wads of fabric on the bust and the fact that this dress is distracting me from how hot Annie Hathaway looks. Like career-best hotness but then: boob trash. Wait. Are they flowers? Maybe I am actually against flowers after all!? I'm learning a lot about myself coming out of semi-blog-retirement.