Oscars 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

My dear readers, it seems like just a month and a half ago we began our Oscars coverage and now all of a sudden we've come to the end! The fun part of dragging this out over many weeks is that we've all forgotten just how bananas it got for a few people. Let's refresh our memories. 

THE WTF

Sandra Oh!

To me, this is the gown version of a meticulously groomed french poodle dyed the exact color of a Wawa napkin. The extreme puffed sleeves push it generously into WTF territory. And lo, I say to thee for the last time during the Oscars...

Timothée Chalamet!

My best guess is that Tim is trying to get a reboot of The Flamingo Kid greenlit. Either that or he is gonna say, "You fellas have nothing to worry about," before having a joy ride in a Ferrari. These are the only two acceptable explanations for this get up.

Saoirse Ronan!

The bathing suit top is not great, the wallpaper skirt is worse, but the double ruffle peplum is TRULY UNHINGED.

Anthony Ramos!

It's a lot of look. The cravat, the necklace, this specific jacket... it's a lot. This could have easily gone into the Bad pile. But those shoes push the look firmly into WTF territory. 

Billie Eilish!

Me in quarantine, wearing couture and slippers.

Diane Warren!

To be honest, on a scale of 1 to Diane Warren, this is fairly tame. It's really the treble clef on the bedazzled bandana necklace that makes it oh so Diane Warren.

Kristen Wiig!

You may love lasagna but not as much as KW - she loves it so much she dressed as it! She's truly giving Garfield a run for his money. Time will tell, but I think this dress goes down in history for me as one I will forever remember like Demi Moore and her bike shorts. Welcome, Kristen, to my personal catalog of hilarious red carpet fashions. Truly, WTF!? It's a Full Tonga.

Oscars 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Well well well, look what the pandemic dragged in. Are we going to finally finish up the Oscars? Could it be? Yes it could. Something's coming...something, well, not good.

THE BAD

Zazie Beetz!

I really didn't want to put her in the Bad pile but between the awkward length on the skirt, the detached corset top with ... many flaps?, and the somewhat matronly shoes, I had no choice. Those flaps! Why? Oy.

Caitríona Balfe!

Even without the very large fashion jelly fish eating her torso, the dress looks cheaply constructed and I won't have it.

Margot Robbie!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Sigourney Weaver!

Just in case there is a question in your heart about it here you go: I am against rope belts. I am also against dresses that look like they have extra fabric leftover that is fashioned into some sort of shoulder bun. Who did this to Sigourney Weaver? I want names.

Pedro Almodóvar!

This is making me a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Sure, maybe Sigourney was all tie me up! tie me down! with her belt, but the fit of this suit just looks like a bad education to me. All about my turtleneck, am I right? I want to talk to her him about this shirt choice. It is all pain, no glory. Volver. 

Gal Gadot!

Hahahahah wut. I'm seeing a pretty princess table cloth pinned on top of a long sleeve mock turtleneck teddy with pasties and a hastily added necklace on top. Again, I say to thee: Hahahahah wut.

Rooney Mara!

That is the largest thong I've ever seen.

Olivia Colman!

Medieval Times but make it fashion and make sure to add exhaust pipes for the armpits.

Laura Dern!

Holy shit this is so bad. The baby pink! The bedazzled sports bra overlay! THE TASSELS! You know what this is, right? This is a Full Patrow!