There are lots of things to love about the Winter Olympics. The touching human interest stories, the stunning feats of athleticism, the unbelievable professionalism and drive of gifted teenagers, the K-Pop - it adds up to a beautiful couple of weeks where you find yourself cheering for people who walk through snow pretty quickly on skis and then sometimes randomly shoot a rifle (srsly what is biathalon and why did I watch it). But the best thing about the Winter Olympics is the one-two punch of Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir. This post is a tribute to two entertainers who knew exactly what we needed....
FASHION!
I'm so here for Tara leaning hard into 90s styles and Johnny going full tilt Liberace-by-way-of-Caesar-Flickerman. I also love that they were both like, duh, yes, we know we look like The Hunger Games, that is exactly our point.
Poor Terry Gannon always seemed to look like he didn't know they were supposed to wear glitter that day.
Terry's pocket square definitely came directly out of Johnny's pocket. It coordinates well with Tara's ode to Cher Horowitz.
Even on casual Friday, they were bringing the 90s heat. Johnny's doing a cute Hans & Franz tribute while Tara's bringing you Christina Applegate Don't Tell Mom realness. She's right on top of that Rose!
Now this is a necklace. And that is a dress with attached choker. And both of them went with the sleeker wavy hair. It really shows they are a team.
I mean, I would approve them for any mortgage they wanted! Even, nay, ESPECIALLY with that bejeweled harness situation.
The true gold medal winners of the 2018 Winter Olympics and the champions of my heart. I love you Tara and Johnny. Thank you for being so wonderful. On the Tonga Scale, you are a Full Tonga.
My dear readers, I am so stoked for the PyeongChang Olympics. Though I will never understand the allure of cross country skiing, I am delighted by the mixed doubles curling, and looking forward to seeing my Winter Olympics Boyfriend Shaun White compete. That said, the greatest gift of all is figure skating... even if there won't be any simulated cunniligus during the Canadian ice dancing routine. Too bad for us in this moment but at least it was captured on film.
Onto the Parade of Nations, or more accurately, Parade of Winter Coats. I must admit that it gets a little boring after a while to see pants and a puffy coat over and over again. With that in mind, I am going to do a selection of some noteworthy national coats instead of dragging you through every single red puffy coat ever to be worn.
Best Color-Themed Continuity In Traditional Dress: Flag Bearers!
First, the South Korean flag bearers appear in white traditional dress with multicolored hats. ... THEN!
THEN! The Olympic flag bearers appear in multicolored traditional dress with white hats! I was DELIGHTED by this cohesive design.
Best Overall Parade Of Nations Look: Nigeria!
Nigeria is the hands-down winner. I mean, we are all rooting for the Nigerian bobsled team, I know, but on top of that look at these fabulous outfits! Many countries show up in the colors of their flag but this is done with panache AND with statement necklaces.
Most Surprisingly Not Hideous: USA!
This is actually kind of adorable, even with the large muppet hands for gloves. I kind of love that sweater, to be honest.
Brightest: Bulgaria!
That's some green pants.
Best Scarves: Eritrea!
Really digging these scarves. I am guessing there was no mandate or consensus about pant color, though. The blue would have been my choice.
Best Shiny Jacket: The Flag Bearer For Sweden!
I'm not a huge fan of when PoN sees different costumes for men and women, especially when we're sticking the women in some trash-bag-looking-puffers and the men get a nice looking ski jacket. But that gold situation at the front is sweet.
Coldest: Bermuda!
This is so extra. Bermuda is doing the most.
Best Coats: Iran!
The shape and cut of these coats is gorgeous and I need to know where to order one.
Busiest Coats: Finland!
Is it a coat or a magic eye poster? WHY NOT BOTH!?
Warmest Looking Coats: IT'S A TIE! Korea and China!
These are basically the same coat, just accessorized with blue for Korea and red and black for China but OH MAN don't these delegations look warm!? Nice.
Most Basic: Greece!
The OG Olympians also have the most basic of the outfits I saw. That said, if I was going somewhere that a snowsuit was appropriate, this is the one I would choose.
Headscratch-ing-est Use Of English: Japan!
I guess I expected "Japan" to be written in Japanese. I am confused. This delegation is a close runner up to the next category...
Best "If Found Please Return To" Branding: Canada!
Hats AND gloves AND coats all say Canada. Really hoping that it says CANADA across the ass of the pants, too, a la Juicy or Pink.
Best Case Of Not Being Sure If These Greens Go Together But Not Caring: Jamaica!
Listen, some of us will wear the olive and some of us will wear the chartreuse. Cool? Cool.
Wait, That's Not Sweden's Costume??? : Brazil!
Was very confused for a moment. I think these are pretty cute, though.
Trying The Hardest Not To Bring Attention To Themselves: Olympic Athletes From Russia!
Welp.
Second Best Flag Bearer: Mexico!
An amazing outfit, only narrowly squeaked out of the #1 slot by... you guessed it...
Best Flag Bearer AND Best Recurring Participant: Tonga!
You're seriously telling me this dude qualified for both the Summer AND Winter Olympics?! And then he did this again? Amazing. Almost makes me appreciate cross country skiing. Almost.
