Thursday, January 16, 2020

Golden Globes 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

It's a big day here in WTS-land! Wrapping up the Golden Globes and unveiling a new Scale. What a time to be alive! 

THE WTF

Lulu Wang!
This is one of those good WTFs, though I am not as interested in seeing the (wrinkled from sitting in the limo) tail of the shirt. I am really into the corset and the wide pant and the tie. Are we doing ties under corsets now? I guess we are.

Joey King!
This is most definitely some magic eye vulva painting come to life and I love it.

Ray Romano!
I'm including Ray Romano not for this outfit (though the tie is awful) but because I now somehow have the hots for him and I am saying WTF to myself. What is happening in my brain? 

Ramy Youssef!
What. Are. Those.

Sacha Baron Cohen!
Blueberry In the Morning hits the red carpet. The fit is exquisite but the suit is just so, so, so blue. 

Lucy Boynton!
Category is: Gothic Victorian Tin Man Fantasy!

Jennifer Lopez!
JLo knows she is a gift we do not deserve. Love you, Jenny - you were robbed! Justice for JLo!

Billy Porter!
What if a full white suit but also Snuffaluffagus from the waist down? Why not, right?

Jason Momoa (seen here with Lisa Bonet)!
It's not that bad, right? It must be hard to find a green velvet jacket that fits if you're Jason Momoa. But something seems off about the shirt.... just can't put my finger on what.... 
IT'S A FUCKING TANK TOP.

SIR.

W - and I cannot stress this enough - TF?!

Kerry Washington!
Whew! That is less than a tank top! Don't tell Jason Momoa this is an option!

Christopher Abbott!
I was Golden Globes years old when I learned that there are corduroy tuxes. 

Cate Blanchett!
Spitty little dinosaurs from Jurassic Park but make it fashion. Kinesio tape but make it fashion. Folding accordion fan but make it fashion. Ran out wrapping paper at the bottom and had to add a strip but make it fashion.

Gwyneth Paltrow!
This is confusing AND hideous. This is barely clothes! And the necklace is under the dress! What is even happening here!? My dear readers, a few times over the years I thought about replacing the Patton Scale with something that out-Patton'd the Patton but this finally drove me over the edge. Please welcome our new mark of a truly bad frock: The Paltrow Scale. This, my friends, is a Full Paltrow.


5 comments:

  1. 1) Joey King looks like an oyster.
    2) I was genuinely surprised that Ramy Youssef was in the WTF pile until I fully scrolled down. WT actual F indeed!

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  2. 2. He's so adorable BUT THE SHOES.

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  3. When GOOP meets POOP.

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  4. Ramy Yousef - ok, ok, good good. wait oh. oh no..NO!!!! Not even FANCY sneakers!
    Sacha - yes OMG so VERY Blue. Would it be better with NOT a matching blue shirt? Or would that only emphasize the blue more!?
    Lucy Boynton - I have never been interested in costuming a Wizard of Oz but Gothic Victorian Tin Man Fantasy has my mind racing and I want to run over to the local high school and just foist a full on production at them!
    Gwyneth Paltrow - so. many. questions. Like, it looks like a petticoat or underdress and then she just didn't put on the actual dress? But the necklace? There is just no excuse. I'm just flabbergasted!

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  5. What color is Gwyneth’s dress? Algae? Mold?

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