Friday, October 29, 2021

Sexy __________ Halloween Costume Roundup 2021!

Welcome to our most hallowed yearly tradition: running down what's new in Sexy ______ Halloween costumes. Yandy has once again braved the ongoing pandemic to bring us only the most ridiculous outfits for besmirching childhood favorites or turning current pop culture offerings into low cut leotards and short shorts. Every single year, I open Yandy.com and expect that this will finally be the year we have no new ideas. And yet, somehow, those geniuses continue to produce. Is it my dream job to work at Yandy, coming up with ideas for Sexy ____ costumes? You bet your ass it is.

Of course the nametag says Dr. Feelin' Good. As you may know, Yandy draws the line at COVID costumes so Sexy Trained Medical Professionals are as good as it gets.

Sexy UPS Driver!

Yeah baby I'll toss your package right here on the porch.

How is this the first we are seeing a Sexy Strawberry? Also, the receptionist at the place I got my mammogram yesterday told me that Acme fooled her into paying full price for strawberries by putting them right next to the $1 deals - and then! The strawberries immediately went bad! Truly a tale of terror. 

And yes of course I am the person who talks to the receptionist for 20 minutes before an appointment and gets their full life story. You knew that.

A great way to look like your entire torso is covered in pustules. Sorry, sexy pustules.

I guess this is 80s themed pizza? It's fairly tame as far as Sexy___ costumes go. I legitimately love the pizza box bag - definitely need that.

Now make a Sexy Grimace, you cowards!

Well I did not see that coming. I am fairly delighted by the absurdity of this whole idea! To really commit, make sure to plant bugs all over your body under the costume so they come tumbling out when you take it off.

They've exhausted all the princesses, so this was the next logical move I suppose.

It is against my personal code to partake of the Matrix in any of its forms but here you go.

Jinkies.

Sexy Scooby Doo!
When you're not just a snack, you're a Scooby snack... 

The cartoon that launched a thousand puberties, now live and in person.


Sold separately. I originally thought the Thing 1 was written on her chest in marker but it seems they are designed with the different 1 and 2. Yandy! Always hustling!

Oh behave! But.... wait a minute....

Someone explain to me why in the year of our Regina King two thousand twenty-one there are two new Sexy Austin Powers costumes. 

While this is obviously a poor attempt, let's cut Yandy some slack here. They have to plan pretty far in advance for their Sexy ____ costume selections for the year and don't know what will be passé (see Sexy Banana Bread from last year) and what will be the hot thing everyone is talking about. So this definitely got fast tracked... and you can tell.

Something is off about this costume but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe tutu placement? Maybe the pleatherness? Suggestions welcome.

If I wore this I would give myself a hairy chest. This is, perhaps, why I am not the target Yandy customer.

Sexy Cobra! (not the insurance)
Please make this a couples costume with a Sexy Mouse. Pleeeeeeeeeease.

Yandy really wants me to buy that this is a Sexy Lady Justice But Make It Pride costume... where is the blindfold, Yandy? Wither the scales? Even if you're selling it separately, give me the illusion. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here's where I realize that I still did not post the WTF from the Met Gala so you may not have seen this yet. As far as Sexy ___ costumes go, this one is extremely funny.

Are you ready for our parade of redundancies?

Redundant!

Redundant! (Also I only figured this out by the tiny dog in bag.)

Sexy Xtina!
To misquote Miranda Priestly, Sexy Dirrrrty-Era Christina Aguilera? Groundbreaking.

And now! Onto some truly unhinged men's Sexy ___ costumes!

To infinity and beyond, indeed!

Sexy Nerd!
Y'all. Y. All. I cannot stop laughing. Yandy said glasses, bowtie, suspenders, shortshort boxer briefs YUP THAT'S A NERD. Never change, Yandy.

And finally, the funniest costume (to me) of this Sexy ___ calendar year..... 

Regina King, our lord and savior, if you are listening please bring me photos from someone who actually chose to be Sexy Dexter (Not That Dexter) for Halloween. Please. I need it to live. In the name of the Oscar, the Emmy, and the Golden Globe, amen.

Thursday, September 23, 2021

2021 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad

 Remember how painful it was to see MJB in the Meh? Hold on to your hats (quite literally in some instances here) because some much beloved WTS faves made some Choices at the Met Ball.

Taika Waititi (seen here with Rita Ora)!
As a "long time-long time" of Who? Weekly, one of the most fun podcasts of all time, it brings me extreme joy to feature Rita Ora. I actually have no problem with her getup, as it is both very Rita and very pretty and I know I just dinged Kate Hudson for a crop top but this is actually far MORE clothing than I've ever seen on Rita so that's that. I want to talk to you about Taika Waititi and the fact that he flew to New York with his suit folded in a suitcase and did not have the decency to steam it before the Met Gala. Perhaps I'm on my Jump To Conclusions Mat but you look at the creases on that jacket and tell me what else could have possibly happened. I am horrified. Crunch crunch.

Cynthia Erivo!
Holy shit, this is the couture version of a Ta-Ta Towel! Also... I am desperately hoping that one of you, my dear readers, is an owner of a Ta-Ta Towel because I need the first hand scoop on these things. They are hilar.

Rebecca Hall!
Upstairs, Downstairs, Fetish Dungeon.

Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello!
This was an extreme amount of effort. The effort is just pouring off of them. That does not make it good.

Gillian Anderson!
It looks like her midsection is still loading.

Symone!
Current reigning in the wrong color wig and cliffhangers? I love you, what are you doing? The dress is killer, though.

Emily Ratajkowski!
They grew old together, and soon Emily Ratajkowski became very sick. The doctor said she would die soon. Her husband sat by her bed, becoming increasingly distraught and then he finally said, "Please, tell me now, why do you always wear that gigantic flower at your neck?" In a croaky voice, Emily Ratajkowski replied, "Okay, I'll tell you. Take it off now." Her husband reached for the absolutely gigantic flower with trembling fingers. He pulled it loose and her head fell off.

Julia Garner!
Wow, in a big surprise to myself, I hate visible bathing suit under sheer gown even more than I hate visible granny panties. 

Kristen Stewart!
Yo, I am so hype to see her in Spencer - the trailer dropped today and it looks GREAT. Unlike this outfit which is the opposite of great. Generously, I can read this as a take on American Fashion that nods to Elvis and Roy Orbison and the intersection of country and rock... but that's gonna be a stretch. Her hair and makeup are great, so that's something?

Tracee Ellis Ross!
Strong choices.

Diane Kruger!
I really like the color combination. Not on her, per se, but I like the butter neon outfit with hot fuchsia shoes. I am really baffled by this look - workout shirt with extra long train and bubble skirt which could very well be formal shorts? I know that Diane likes to push it but yikes. Oh and speaking of formal shorts...

Vera Wang!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Regina King (seen here with Michael Kors)!
This hurts me. 

Regina King: Wears upscale Guys and Dolls costume to the Met Gala
Meg:

Regina, you may have to consciously uncouple from MK. Dick Tracy But Make It Fashion is NOT IT.

Maisie Williams!
Bubble, bubble, toil and... all that jazz!

Jennifer Lynn Lopez (who should have been nominated for many awards for Hustlers)!
Jennifer! Just because you are doing a fun reboot with Ben does not need we also need an edgy reboot of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman! This is hilar, this is a costume, this is... oh my god, JLo came as Sexy Wyatt Earp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For that and that alone, this has earned Full Paltrow.












 




Wednesday, September 22, 2021

2021 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh

Let's see what allllllllllllllmost worked but wasn't awful at the Met Ball!

Normani!
I love this gown. I love the color, I love the volume, I love it on Normani... but I am not a fan of the styling. I think I want a bigger hair choice - maybe not more hair but maybe a fascinator or something. I think the makeup is a little understated for the size of the sleeves, and I want to suggest sapphires or amethysts as precious stone swapouts. That said...

 Kate Hudson!
Answering the question no one asked: what if you made Gwyneth Paltrow's unfortunate 1998 Oscars dress into a two piece and added 12 ostriches worth of pink coat? Honestly, she looks spectacular but this is what I would call A Choice.

Chloe and Halle Bailey!
In my fantasy world, they decided that one would go as the bride and the other would be the bridesmaid who has a wedding at 6 and a Tina Turner tribute show at 7.

Kendall Jenner!
The construction on this gown is absolutely stunning, but this is what I was talking about with Zoe Kravitz. I prefer a diamond g-string to a highly visible granny panty. Look, I love a granny panty. Comfort, function, insulation from thigh to underboob...  Would I wear granny panties to the Met Gala? What do you think?

Gigi Hadid!
Burrito but make it fashion.

Tessa Thompson!
My god, I love this dress. It's so beautiful and cool and looks amazing on her. But what in the Coyote Ugly is happening with these boots and that hat!?

Megan Fox!
I'm not sure how anything stays put in this dress. I would certainly go tits ahoy if I attempted this look. It's beautiful, she looks great, but I am stressed about it.

Audra McDonald!
I appreciate the effort, but I'm underwhelmed.

The Currys!
I love the design of both of these looks but everything seems just a skosh too small here. Ayesha's boobs are trying to escape their too-small cups prison and Steph's tux is just like a quarter to half an inch short on the hem of both the pants and sleeves for my taste. Currys! Don't put stuff in the dryer on high heat!

Elliot Page!
Okay and then the opposite problem. To be clear, I want to give Eliot Page time to explore his style, and I think this is a very specific choice because he has worn highly tailored, form fitting suits on red carpets in past years and I recognize and appreciate that. But I'm just saying I do not think the answer is a 
suit designed by David Byrne circa Stop Making Sense.

Mary J. Blige!
It truly pains me to say this to my beloved MJB but ... snoozefest.

Gemma Chan!
Is that part of the dress or is she just bringing her own backdrop with her to the red carpet?

Lorde!
Lorde, you are 3 years late. "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination" was the 2018 theme. Then again, what is time anymore?

Kehlani!
I love the suit (yes even with the straps) but I really wish it didn't give her a footectomy. I also wish the mask matched the suit material. I also want to know what percentage of her torso is completely covered in double stick tape. This one really walks the line of Meh/Bad for me (but I've already written the whole description so it's staying here now).

Donatella Versace!
Tell me something I don't know, Donatella Versace.

Lee Pace!
It's a fine look - I really dig the garters - but I think the bowtie needs to be a bit larger. Additionally, I have a really hard time with formal shorts of any kind (which you will see coming up in the next two posts) so this is not lighting me up like it would if it was a skirt or kilt. Thanks to Reader Kate for bringing this to my attention, even though we disagree about the relative greatness of this look.

Cara Delevingne!
I really like this but she should've worn a strap. It would have helped mask the fact that she sat down in the limo, at the very least.