Tuesday, May 21, 2019

2019 Met Gala Appreciation Post: Billy Porter and Lady Gaga!

The Met Gala is always such a special time of year for Way Too Shay. I was deeply apprehensive of the Camp theme this year but ultimately satisfied by much of what we got to see. But nothing was more satisfying than co-chairs Billy Porter and Lady Gaga showing us all how it is done. 

First of all, Billy Porter was carried in by litter. Because yes. 



Please note, I now require all litter transport to feature these gold face scarves. Very Valentina: I'd like them to keep it on, please. 

Once he was in, we got to see the full reveal of golden snitch bodysuit! 



Absolutely no one is worthy. Here's a video of the full entrance. It's glorious and stupendous!

Then Lady Gaga showed up in FOUR ENTIRE OUTFITS. 

First, she was certainly not hiding a reveal or anything like that at all no never.



The train was exceptionally long and caught the wind gorgeously. From the pink we went to black, with an exaggerated bustle and umbrella this time.



Honestly, if she had stopped here I would have been delighted. But no! Back to pink! And even better accessories - a Zack Morris phone and giant sunglasses!



Oh but Stefani was not done yet! The final reveal was back to black and down to the undergarments and some of her trademark terrifyingly tall shoes!



She was also at this point wheeling a wagon full of champagne and Joanne hats behind her. 


I will now be entering all parties this way: in my underwear, dragging a wagon of champagne and headwear. Remember me this way.

While it is absolutely worth it to watch her full 16 minute entrance, here's an edited version in case you only have four minutes of your day to be completely slayed.

Friday, May 17, 2019

2019 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

The Met Gala can be relied upon for the most over the top, eye popping, jaw dropping WTF entries of the year. We have everything from video vixens to dungarees to disembodied heads to daughters cosplaying as moms. Strap in and hold tight!

THE WTF

Tiffany Haddish!
This is an extremely high-end pimp costume with bonus footectomy and I am in love. 

Emily Ratajkowski!
I never really thought about what it would be like if She-Ra, Princess of Power, was in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition but now I guess we know.  

Harry Styles and Alessandro Michele!
There are high-waisted pants and then there are whatever these things are Harry is wearing. As for Alessandro, this is a Jared Leto as Jesus styled by Barbie look. And yet my only complaint is that the pants need to be hemmed.

Jared Leto!
Speaking of Jared Leto! This is both a cursed and blessed image. What is happening? I don't know but it is absolutely dripping in diamonds.

Lily Collins!
Oh yes give me that Elizabeth Taylor lounging in a canopy bed feeling! I truly disagree with these shoes but who cares when the rest of it is so bananas.

Naomi Campbell!
What in the name of Tawny Kitaen are those tights?! 

Amy Fine Collins!
I have been wearing a monocle wrong for years.

Amber Valletta!
Dance 10, Looks 3. 

Sophie von Haselberg and Bette Midler!
Bette is doing a butterflies trying to escape a molasses pit thing complete with Beaches-era hair and then her daughter fully did Bette Midler stage wear cosplay. May the circle be unbroken.  

Cara Delevingne!
Everything seems to be in order here. Thank you, Machine Dazzle, for this outrageous headpiece! 

Odell Beckham Jr.!
I'm here to tell you that I think this is very good. It's hilarious but also sickening. Every time I consume this look I find something new. Serious question: is that a Tamagatchi around his wrist?

Jordan Roth!
Portrait....


Landscape.

Patrick Schwarzenegger!
I laughed out loud when I saw this - actual laughing! actually out loud! - and then I thought, you know what? He might be one of the only people at this event who truly completed the assignment. A+



Next week on WTS: Billy Porter and Lady Gaga! 

Thursday, May 16, 2019

2019 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Today we feature some of the worst dresses these eyes have ever seen. I'm glad you're here to suffer with me, my dear readers.

THE BAD

Awkwafina!
All I really can say to this is go back to Party City where you belong.

Abbey Lee Kershaw!
The proportions on this are hella awkward, it's too short, the makeup doesn't have a ton to do with the look, and something about the seashells is very off. 

Darren Criss!
Someone was saying this was one of their favorite looks and I would like that person to please explain why. It seems to me that we're meant to consume this look bow-first but because so much else is black on this ensemble, my eye is pushed directly to the jacket and the makeup. Regarding the jacket: it's a no from me, dog. Regarding the makeup: yeah, Queen Amidala was cool and all but wut? I've seen a couple of places saying he was channeling the stock commedia character Harlequin but I've spent enough time with clown people in my life to give that explanation a hearty Sure Jan.

Donatella Versace!
When I first saw this I just thought it was kind of tacky with a bad shoe. Then I really saw it.
Come on, Don! You can't just write "DIVINE" and "MORE" on a skirt and glue it to a catsuit and call it a day. How can something so loud be so snoozy!?

Aquaria!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Josephine Skriver!
She just really wanted to combine her love for Coachella, the middle section of her thighs, and the color beige.

Alexander Skarsgard!
Thinks of Alexander Skarsgard as a placeholder for all of the men who did jack shit for this event. How very dare you.

Paloma Elsesser!
I swear A'Keria almost got sent home in this look from the Farm to Runway challenge. I suppose I understand the intent here - high fashion looks from denim are very camp. Just think about WTS patron saints Britney and Justin! This is just not hitting the mark for me. Maybe if it touched the ground and had a majestic denim train, and then amplify the jewels to be very high end and give it a giant hair moment, then yes I can see this being a great expression of camp. Unfortunately in its current form, it just looks like she has taste issues.

Julianne Moore!
Speaking of taste issues.... Jules, the call is coming from inside the dress. Get out of there! 

Regina Hall!
I have been trying to come up with something to say about this for days now and I think I finally figured it out! I love her makeup and hair but as for the rest of it? I hate it. 

Kristen Stewart!
This just in: Kristen Stewart is only happy when it rains.

Katie Holmes!
I've softened slightly, perhaps, since I first sorted these photos into piles because I'm looking at Katie and thinking maybe it's not to terrible. Maybe it's just Meh? But then I start to look at the seam down the middle that seems to accentuate her mid-section, and how the ruching doesn't exaaaaaaaaaaaaactly line up, and the makeup is a little too close in color to the antlers/leaves/shoulder piece thingy, and the wrong bag and earrings and I guess if I tally the scores from each column, I'll just keep her here in the Bad. On a different note, I have been trying FOR DAYS to figure out who that is behind Ms. Holmes in the overalls and silver sun hat. If you have information about this, please call our tip line 555-WHAT-YES. 

Gal Gadot!
World's most expensive swim cap, crotch-high boots and a mock turtleneck beach coverup. (And Stella Maxwell in the background again!)

Kris Jenner!
If there had been a parade float hanging out in the castle, this is what it would look like when it returned to human form at the end of Beauty and the Beast. Still waiting on Marie with those baguettes, by the way. 

Solange!
It looks like someone photoshopped out her midsection.

Winnie Harlow!
I originally saw this and thought, well, ok. Not really sure I love the feather cape in black but it is eye catching. And then I saw it without the feathers.
Wowza. This really does evoke Carnival but it also evokes feelings of anxiety in me. Specifically, vulva-exposure anxiety. 

Stella Maxwell!
Speaking of vulva-exposure anxiety... here she is boys! Here she is world! Here's Stella! Stars have officially had their turn on the red carpet and now they are over. I declare it! Nay, I decree it! 

Lena Dunham and Jemima Kirke (with Christopher Kane)!
Ugh, you're exhausting. I'm exhausted!

Rachel Brosnahan!
Remember when I thought Rachel's flower dress at last year's Tony Awards was overkill? Oh, sweet summer child. This is nothing less than a Full Patton.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

2019 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh! Part 2!

To quote Jimmy Gator, we're back and ready for round 2!

THE MEH (CONTINUED)

Serena Williams (with Alexis Ohanian)!
Sure it's over the top and playful and the colors are exquisite on her but the GOAT was a co-chair of this year's Met Gala. Why did no one help her hit more of a camp note? Once again, I want more. 

Lizzo!
Okay! This is MORE. This is very camp but I have two quibbles: 
1. The neck ruff ruins the flow of the coat and dress. 
2. The color of the wig is ever so slightly not the correct color. Because the dress and the coat and the shoes are all so perfectly matching, my eye goes to the wig and my brain says "close." SOOO so close.

Bella Hadid (with Jeremy Scott)!
Okay. Remember how I included Gwen Stefani in the Good pile and said we would get back to the other piece from this collection? Here we are. This just does not work as well for me. I think it might actually be the jeweled seams around the mermaid skirt. The jewels around the cutouts are cheeky and fun and I like the idea of tens of diamond and jewel bracelets lining her arms but the bottom feels underwhelming. Maybe I'd feel differently if the dress was fuscia? 

Danai Gurira!
Now staring in her one-woman mashup of Pippin and Chicago: Corner of the Sky Block Tango.

Kendall Jenner!
Lola, show girl, etc.

Kylie Jenner!
Dress cut down to there, merengue, cha cha, etc.

Laverne Cox!
Please wear this to my funeral but leave the abdominal growth off the gown. 

Dua Lipa!
I cannot believe I'm about to type this but it's a little basic? The pattern is doing all the work here. 

Gabrielle Union!
Ooh yes this sheer dress, this momentous coat, this face! Ooh no these gloves, those shoes, this Esther Williams headgear. 

Indya Moore!
My dear readers, I trust you recognize that belt by now. I don't really like the dress but I love everything else that is going on here-  truly loving how this was styled. I think maybe I'm just not loving this Vuitton line. (Also if you don't look closely in the background there your eye just skips right over Kate Moss, which should be an impossibility. Sigh.)

Emma Roberts!
You can get like 10 toilet paper rolls under there.

RuPaul!
Sure.

Jourdan Dunn!
I love the shape and construction of this plastic Zac Posen dress but I really hate the accessories she was styled with. Let's see a more delicate shoe and maybe a small but significant headpiece?

Nina Dobrev (with Zac Posen)!
This is the other ZP plastic dress, famously made with a 3D printer. Very sorry to see that they ran out of ink. 

Omari Hardwick!
The suit and the vest talk to each other but all of the other touches are trying to shout over them. The giant necklace is lost in the shirt, the pocket square is the wrong color and shape, the fit bit (I don't know) is distracting, and these shoes are the wrong shade of red for this color green. Credit where credit is due: that is a sweet beard.

Mindy Kaling!
I love Mindy in gold but... who did this to her? I demand to speak with the manager. 

Tessa Thompson!
I am extraordinarily into everything about this except the dress. I love the styling, I love the accessories, I love the PONYTAIL WHIP, but jeez I hate this dress for her. I don't think I like it for anyone but definitely not for Tessa.

Gigi Hadid!
Starring in the next Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them installment!

Deepika Padukone!
So pretty but definitely not the assignment. The hair alone does not make it camp. 

Janet Mock!
An incredible feat of double stick tape, part 2. 

Salma Hayek!
I don't know, it's fine? I guess? I'm a little bored.

Anna Wintour!
Sure it's a floral but this is almost even in the theme of the event! Anna! Theme-adjacent! But also in floral! Who knew it was possible!?

Yara Shahidi!
I feel like there is something missing. Right now I'm getting great hair, a catsuit, and a lot of feathers. Maybe what's off for me is the neckline on the top - it feels very prom 1998 but not in a referential way. What if this was strapless and then had a big, metallic necklace - omg what if it was a gold ostrich pendant around her neck and then this huge ostrich shawl? That would be so fun!

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen!
They didn't understand the question and they won't respond to it.