Oscars 2018: Pre-Rundown Notes on Olympians

My dear readers, I am very much looking forward to diving into The Good tomorrow (without Timothee unless he makes a stunning comeback from The Meh in the next few hours) but before we do, there is a bit of business to address. As longtime readers know, I have a policy against critiquing Normals on the red carpet because it is not fair to judge them like I do the stars and starlets who have access to jewelry (for free) and clothes (for free) and stylists (NOT free and also NOT cheap). But somewhere between celebrities and Normals are the Olympians and I feel fine talking about them... but, you know, in a separate post. I saw two types of Olympians last night: skiers dressed as ice skaters and ice skaters dressed as models.

The former: Lindsay Vonn!

This is a breath away from a figure skating costume and a slightly deeper breath away from a Dancing With the Stars costume. That said, when was the last time you saw a woman rock a watch on the red carpet? Lindsay Vonn is a timepiece trailblazer. (And spokesperson for Rolex so also an excellent business person.)

The Latter: Adam Rippon (seen here with Mirai Nagasu)!

Don't get me wrong - Mirai Nagasu looks gorgeous! It's so weird to see her standing still instead of busting out triple axels like the boss she is -I'll bet this dress gives good twirl. But the real story here is Adam Rippon effortlessly owning the red carpet in this Moschino harness tux. The face says it all - he knows this is everything. Indeed, why y'all gagging so? I have a feeling this is just the beginning. Memo to Anna: please make sure Adam Rippon is on the list for that first Monday in May, darling. Can't wait to see what Jeremy Scott puts him in next.

Asking for a Friend: Timothee Chalamet

My dear readers, I find myself in a difficult place unable to decide where to file Mr. Timothee Chalamet. I've been trying to decide all morning to no avail. Since I still can't put my finger on which pile he should join, I am starting a new irregular feature here on Way Too Shay: Asking for a Friend! It's a poll where you get to decide where someone goes. You only have until 11 AM (ET) on the 6th because I'll begin posting The Good on my lunch break.

Soooooo... what do you think?

Asking for a Friend: Timothee Chalamet!

Winter Olympics 2018: An Ode to the Ice King and Queen

There are lots of things to love about the Winter Olympics. The touching human interest stories, the stunning feats of athleticism, the unbelievable professionalism and drive of gifted teenagers, the K-Pop - it adds up to a beautiful couple of weeks where you find yourself cheering for people who walk through snow pretty quickly on skis and then sometimes randomly shoot a rifle (srsly what is biathalon and why did I watch it). But the best thing about the Winter Olympics is the one-two punch of Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir. This post is a tribute to two entertainers who knew exactly what we needed....

FASHION! 

I'm so here for Tara leaning hard into 90s styles and Johnny going full tilt Liberace-by-way-of-Caesar-Flickerman. I also love that they were both like, duh, yes, we know we look like The Hunger Games, that is exactly our point.

Poor Terry Gannon always seemed to look like he didn't know they were supposed to wear glitter that day. 

Terry's pocket square definitely came directly out of Johnny's pocket. It coordinates well with Tara's ode to Cher Horowitz. 

Even on casual Friday, they were bringing the 90s heat. Johnny's doing a cute Hans & Franz tribute while Tara's bringing you Christina Applegate Don't Tell Mom realness. She's right on top of that Rose!

Now this is a necklace. And that is a dress with attached choker. And both of them went with the sleeker wavy hair. It really shows they are a team.

I mean, I would approve them for any mortgage they wanted! Even, nay, ESPECIALLY with that bejeweled harness situation.

The true gold medal winners of the 2018 Winter Olympics and the champions of my heart. I love you Tara and Johnny. Thank you for being so wonderful. On the Tonga Scale, you are a Full Tonga.

Winter Olympics 2018: Parade of Nations!

My dear readers, I am so stoked for the PyeongChang Olympics. Though I will never understand the allure of cross country skiing, I am delighted by the mixed doubles curling, and looking forward to seeing my Winter Olympics Boyfriend Shaun White compete. That said, the greatest gift of all is figure skating... even if there won't be any simulated cunniligus during the Canadian ice dancing routine. Too bad for us in this moment but at least it was captured on film. 

Onto the Parade of Nations, or more accurately, Parade of Winter Coats. I must admit that it gets a little boring after a while to see pants and a puffy coat over and over again. With that in mind, I am going to do a selection of some noteworthy national coats instead of dragging you through every single red puffy coat ever to be worn.

Best Color-Themed Continuity In Traditional Dress: Flag Bearers!

First, the South Korean flag bearers appear in white traditional dress with multicolored hats. ... THEN!

THEN! The Olympic flag bearers appear in multicolored traditional dress with white hats! I was DELIGHTED by this cohesive design.

Best Overall Parade Of Nations Look: Nigeria!

Nigeria is the hands-down winner. I mean, we are all rooting for the Nigerian bobsled team, I know, but on top of that look at these fabulous outfits! Many countries show up in the colors of their flag but this is done with panache AND with statement necklaces. 

Most Surprisingly Not Hideous: USA!

This is actually kind of adorable, even with the large muppet hands for gloves. I kind of love that sweater, to be honest.

Brightest: Bulgaria!

That's some green pants.

Best Scarves: Eritrea!

Really digging these scarves. I am guessing there was no mandate or consensus about pant color, though. The blue would have been my choice.

Best Shiny Jacket: The Flag Bearer For Sweden!

I'm not a huge fan of when PoN sees different costumes for men and women, especially when we're sticking the women in some trash-bag-looking-puffers and the men get a nice looking ski jacket. But that gold situation at the front is sweet.

Coldest: Bermuda!

This is so extra. Bermuda is doing the most.

Best Coats: Iran!

The shape and cut of these coats is gorgeous and I need to know where to order one.

Busiest Coats: Finland!

Is it a coat or a magic eye poster? WHY NOT BOTH!?

Warmest Looking Coats: IT'S A TIE! Korea and China!

These are basically the same coat, just accessorized with blue for Korea and red and black for China but OH MAN don't these delegations look warm!? Nice.

Most Basic: Greece!

The OG Olympians also have the most basic of the outfits I saw. That said, if I was going somewhere that a snowsuit was appropriate, this is the one I would choose.

Headscratch-ing-est Use Of English: Japan!

I guess I expected "Japan" to be written in Japanese. I am confused. This delegation is a close runner up to the next category...

Best "If Found Please Return To" Branding: Canada!

Hats AND gloves AND coats all say Canada. Really hoping that it says CANADA across the ass of the pants, too, a la Juicy or Pink.

Best Case Of Not Being Sure If These Greens Go Together But Not Caring: Jamaica!

Listen, some of us will wear the olive and some of us will wear the chartreuse. Cool? Cool.

Wait, That's Not Sweden's Costume??? : Brazil!

Was very confused for a moment. I think these are pretty cute, though.

Trying The Hardest Not To Bring Attention To Themselves: Olympic Athletes From Russia!

Welp.

Second Best Flag Bearer: Mexico!

An amazing outfit, only narrowly squeaked out of the #1 slot by... you guessed it...

Best Flag Bearer AND Best Recurring Participant: Tonga!

You're seriously telling me this dude qualified for both the Summer AND Winter Olympics?! And then he did this again? Amazing. Almost makes me appreciate cross country skiing. Almost.

All Hail!

We don't normally do this but I feel I must direct your attention to absolute perfection.

Bow down before your queen, Lupita Nyong'o in custom Atelier Versace at the Black Panther premiere. Holy moly, the gown is spectacular! This is definitely the kind of gown that could wear a person but Lupita will not be worn! All hail!




Thank you to Reader Jeni for texting me a picture of Lupita this morning and suggesting this post. We will not regularly be covering red (purple) carpets for movie premieres but I think you'll agree this was worth of attention. Stunning.

SAG Awards 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

My dear readers, I find myself in the weeds. I got behind schedule on the SAG Awards and now I have all of the Grammys to contend with and I have much to say about them. I've decided that we'll wrap up the SAGs today but I'll wait until next week to dive into the Grammys. Think of it this way: it'll tide you over until the Oscars. Now let's get weird with the SAGs.

THE WTF

Gina Rodriguez!

I get that the designer is trying to tie the top and bottom together by exaggerating the seams on the torso with black but at the end of the day it's still just a full coverage bra on top of a beach dress. 

Margot Robbie!

Margot, that's not how you wear a boa. Sheesh.

Alison Brie!

Blam! Zoom! It looks like she's hulking out of her Flash couture! Kaplow!

Lea DeLaria!

This is one of those good WTF entries. I have never seen a tartan tux, much less a velvet tartan tux but I do not hate it. I simply marvel at it.

Allison Williams!

Remember that Fashion Plates toy where you could mix different bottoms, tops, and middles to make all sorts of different outfits? I loved that toy - my friend Beth Ann had it and I always wanted to play with it when I was at her house. Well anyway, someone mixed a really weird combo here. That fringe at the bottom makes her look like she's, I don't know, lady on top and coat rack on the bottom? It's disconcerting.

Kate Hudson!

I truly wish you could have seen me when I first encountered this Little House on the Prairie Saloon Madame Valentines Day cosplay. The face I made was almost as ridiculous as this dress.

SAG Awards 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Before we dive back into the SAG Awards, I must share this beautiful bounty with you. Reader Chou (my internet girlfriend of forever) texted me last night with the eBay listing of the dresses from the Golden Globes. Proceeds go to the legal defense funds for Time's Up (cool) but please look at the minimum bid of $20,000 for that hideous thing Caitriona Balfe wore. In the words of Chou, "Get right the fuck out of here, Outlander." 

THE BAD

Selenis Leyva!

It is far, far too small at the top and very sheer, giving the illusion that She is just wearing brushstrokes with a train. The bag and earrings don't really go with it either.

La Kidman!

The color is wrong and the silhouette ages her about 15 years. 

Maya Rudolph!

Choices were made.

Madeline Brewer!

The matching shoes and lip color, the peachy pustule party dress, the dark brows and smokey eye and heavy blush... it's all just too much! 

Dakota Fanning!

Might as well keep going with the peaches and cream barbie looks. This is too big on her and she doesn't appear to be wearing makeup or accessories. Maybe she can rub her face on Madeline Brewer's and get some of that extra blush.

Laura Dern!

Serious question: who is responsible for repurposing all of these macrame wall hangings as formal wear??? I honestly looked to see if this is the same designer as Kate Hudson's GG gown and IT IS NOT. That was Valentino, this is Dior, and everyone simply must stop this madness.

Hong Chau!

Froufrou bed skirt.

Greta Gerwig!

Well this is just plain hideous. The color, the shape, the design... just wow. I'm actually impressed by how terrible this is.

Elisabeth Moss!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Mary J. Blige!

Is this like one of those best friend necklaces where someone else has the other wing and when they stand together they make one big dove? You know this hurts me because I love Mary so much. Let's focus on the positive: 2 Oscar nominations for MJB, making history as the first person to be nominated for acting and original song in the same year. THAT is amazing! I just hope she doesn't wear the other wing to the Oscars.

Samira Wiley!

Boy oh boy am I tired of see-through dresses with full coverage underwear. Even on Samira Wiley, which is really saying something.

Diane Guerrero!

The perfect outfit for when you are cold but your ribs are hot and you want to feel that princess fantasy of 18 different people stepping on the back of your dress.

Saoirse Ronan!

I don't even know what I'm looking at. The best I can come up with is a tribute to military dog tags and glittery labial folds. Whatever it is, it's a Full Patton.