Oscars 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The Good!

Have you noticed the incredible trend that has finally hit the red carpet? I'll give you a hint: it makes me extraordinarily happy... NECKLACES! They are everywhere now! Finally! Let's dive into some delicious looks, many of which feature necklaces.

THE GOOD

Maya Rudolph!

Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx and she has taken her mission to the heavens! Is it a caftan of questionable length? You bet your ass it's a caftan of questionable length! Are those kitten heel sandals? You bet your ass those are kitten heel sandals! Is it a no-nonsense precision bob? You bet your ass it's a no-nonsense precision bob! Am I totally into this? You bet your ass I'm totally into this! 

Adam Driver (with Joanne Tucker)!

He looks great and the fit is really nice. As you know, I do not comment on the muggles unless they look outstanding so let me just say JOANNE TUCKER KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK. 

Regina King!

I was initially not sold on the strap but what the hell do I know? NOTHING, that's what. Listen, if we ever get to Hollywood, we all need to find out who is styling Regina King and hire them and only them. She has been consistently impeccable on the red carpet in the last few years and the Oscars were no exception. The dress is befitting the queen she is and her head looks stupendous. My goodness, what else can we do but worship her?

Tony Hale!

I was completely unprepared for Tony Hale to look like a hearty snack! 

Janelle Monáe!

Not really sure what would be a non binary form of priestess so we'll just say Space Minister Here to Heal Your Spiritual Wounds (While Wearing Fabulous Necklace).

Tom Hanks!

This is it, this is the look. I hope he fixes his cuffs before photos are taken next time but otherwise, THanks, don't change a thing!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus!

Everything seems to be in order here.

Rebel Wilson!

How extraordinarily glamorous! 

Keanu Reeves (with his mom Patricia Taylor)!

Holiest moly, what a great look on him. It fits like a dream and it's totally complete. I have always been a Keanu gal but moreso now than ever. Like a fine wine, my dear readers. 

Mindy Kaling!

The draping is exquisite, this color is fantastic, the necklace is enormous in a great way, the ring is saying hello, and her hair and makeup are on point. This is an extraordinarily strong look on her. 

Brie Larson!

This dress is everything. While you know I don't tend to love such a severe hairstyle, I think her stylist was right to keep everything else fairly minimal to highlight the gown. I am very surprised how well she wears this rose champagne color; I never would have put her in it. But more than anything, I looooooooooove this dress. 

SAG Awards 2020 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

I don't think you're ready for this sartorial jelly. I know I certainly wasn't!

THE BAD

Camila Mendes!

Oh man I hate it when someone takes my dress by the sleeves and just rips it down the middle.

Charlize Theron!

Even one of the world's most beautiful women cannot pull off a formal sports bra look. 

Elisabeth Moss!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Margot Robbie!

I don't *hate* it but it is also not *good* nor *appropriate* for this event. This is very MTV Movie Awards. Very Independent Spirit Awards. She's wearing sandals ffs.

Gwendoline Christie!

Looks like someone's been perusing the Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx collection...

Alex Borstein! 

The length is wrong, the cut is wrong, the neckline is wrong, the shoes are wrong, the bag is wrong, the color is wrong... I honestly don't know that I can find anything that went well here.

Leslie Bibb!

The only way I can describe this dress is that it was meant to be a mashup of a swimsuit and an evening gown. It is so, so bad.

2019 Oscars Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

We got shredded skirts, delicious desserts, a little bit of fetish wear, pink on pink on pink, and a big surprise for you at the end.

THE BAD

SZA!

Reader Lo sent this photo to me with a note that just said "Whyyy Meghann why lol." And I have to agree: why AND lol. Quite beyond the skirt getting tragically caught in a paper shredder someone carelessly left on the red carpet, the top is not a great fit. I'm really sad that we didn't get to hear "All the Stars" during the Oscars and just as sad that SZA wore a dress so undeserving of her.

Emma Stone!

Nope, still incorrect. Additionally, I can see that she's going for a more understated makeup and hair story but the dress just absolutely overpowers with its full stroopwafel onslaught. 

Tessa Thompson!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Sarah Paulson!

Hrmmm I like how this ball skirt turned out but I'm not really sure what the top should be. OH I KNOW. I'll just put a matching bubble skirt up top and tack the middle of each together like Vivian's beginning outfit in Pretty Woman. PERFECT.

Awkwafina!

Another tragic foot-ectomy hits the red carpet. Looking at this photo I am now convinced that Awkwafina's legs grow directly out of her chin and just go straight down. Here, I made a drawing so you can see what I mean.

Right!??!?!

Olivia Colman!

Pansy Parkinson goes to the Oscars.

Maya Rudolph!

New from the Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx line: CHILDHOOD BEDROOM FLORALS. Just in time for spring!

Rachel Weisz!

Plastique Fantastique indeed. What. A. Choice.

Gemma Chan!

Did she very seriously show up in duvet cover but make it fashion??? And why can we not see her knees??? This is a tough stuff look. In fact, I think it's a Full Patton.

Linda Cardellini!

Hey look it's knees. And miles and piles of tulle. And the largest bow this side of Angela Bassett's sleeve. And.... black pumps? Wait what? I mean if you're going to wear something like this why not go full force with a bonkers shoe too? OH WOULD THAT BE TOO MUCH? This is also a Full Patton.

Kacey Musgraves!

Did your grandmother have a Kacey Musgraves on top of the spare toilet paper roll in the bathroom because my Mom Mom definitely did. Yet another Full Patton.

That's right: THREE PATTONS TODAY. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, Never, never, never forget.