Oscars 2015 Fashion Rundown: The Good!

Thank you for your patience, fashion fans! That was some awards ceremony, huh? Kind of boring, definitely mean spirited, and the fashion was pretty ho-hum across the board. Oh well, we still have some discussion ahead. Before we get into the real rundown, can we just have a moment to collectively acknowledge the stunning power that defies all category: SOLANGE.

Even when I dislike her frock, I can't help but stop for just a moment and appreciate how she impacts a camera.

OH! ALSO!  I don't like to highlight the presenters/press but I am absolutely 100,000% in love with Kelly Osbourne's dress.

I would love this in a dusky rose to wear to my wedding, kthxbai.

Okay, that's enough of that. Let's go!

THE GOOD

Jessica Chastain!

I know a lot of you want to fight me on this, but I think she looks fantastic. Super interesting neckline, gorgeous color on her, beautiful necklace. I'm not loving the matchy matchy shoe trend, but other than that I think this is on point.

Jennifer Aniston!

Without a doubt the best she's ever looked at an awards show. Here is "dressing the statue" to acknowledge your snub. The construction on this is absolutely flawless.

Jennifer Hudson!

Only just barely CUAN in my book. This color is heaven on her. Effortless beauty.

Reese Witherspoon!

I think we might fight about this also. I get that it seems Reese can't really move her arms but if we don't really think about that OR about the fact that she looks like she's being censored, it's stunning. That is one of the best fits of the night.

Meryl Streep!

La Streep has a tendency to veer toward Wacky English Teacher territory, but I like this look. It's sort of "I have nothing to prove" mixed with "I like to borrow clothes from Susan Sarandon." Brava - this is breezy and fabulous.

Lupita Nyong'o!

You guys, OF COURSE I LIKE THIS DRESS. It's made entirely of necklaces! Honestly, this is the opposite of breezy but fabulous just the same.

Anna Kendrick!

A personal best for her. Who knew she could pull off this color?! Really impressed.

Sophie Hunter (with Benedict Cumberbatch)!

Impeccably glamorous maternity gown. She just looks perfect. I'm not a Cumberbitch, but I fully acknowledge that many of you are so here he is (and he needs a better tailor).

Laura Dern!

I am not sure why she is so deadset on hiding behind her hair, but other than that this is a majestic look.

Melanie Griffith!

Putting aside the incredibly tense joint interviews (and what Dakota's got going on - we'll get to that), Melanie looks better than she has in years and we grade on a curve. Nice dress, nice styling.

Ava DuVernay!

This dress is just plain cool. Love the color, love the detail on the torso and sleeves, and styling is perfection. Ava and Jen Aniston should have just stood together all night looking fabulous and talking shit about the Academy.

Cate Blanchett!

I didn't love the unfinished seams on the top but that is a minor quibble when you consider how gorgeous everything else here is. THAT NECKLACE.

Julianne Moore!

Grading on a curve, this is a great look for Julianne. I don't love all the darker details in the dress but she brought it.

Chiwetel Ejiofor!

Reliably gorgeous and always wearing a well-cut suit. Here is your pretty for the day!

Scarlett Johansson!

This was my favorite look of the night, hands-down. It's stunningly constructed, it fits like a dream, and the styling is most definitely bringing the drama. Yes, girl, yes.

Oscars Bingo Cards are here for you

Okay, I know that I did not  actually blog the SAGs or the Grammys - I'm sorry. I'm hoping to get around to doing those fashion rundowns soon... better late than never? But we have bigger fish to fry right now! THE OSCARS ARE ON SUNDAY!

I know! I'm not ready either! Will Julianne Moore wear something disastrous? Will anyone acknowledge the fact that this is the whitest list of nominees, like, ever?! Seriously, why is it so white?!

To help you prepare, my dear readers, I want to give you some BINGO CARDS! I made these with the help of Roommate Liz, who is excellent at coming up with bingo cards. I made two kinds - Fashion and Ceremony. There are five cards for each and you can find them below. At the end is a lexicon of WTS vocab for the noobs. Oh and keep this in mind; we're going to call Seacrest/Rancic/etc "press" because it's easier. Please enjoy and I'll see you on Monday with The Good!

The cards are all slightly different so you can print and play with your friends!

OSCAR CEREMONY BINGO CARDS

OSCARS FASHION BINGO

Way Too Shay Lexicon for Fashion


Dressing Like the Statue - Nominee wearing metallic sheaths
Mullet skirt - short in the front, long in the back
Oh girl, oh no. No no no - It's so bad or misguided that there is nothing more to say.
Scrolldown Fug - a phrase coined by the Fug Girls; gets progressively worse as you scan down
Snoooooze-fest- boring look
Styling ruins the look - great dress, terrible makeup/hair/jewelry/some combination thereof
Tits Ahoy - a top cut so precariously low that the wearer is in danger of exposing her breasts
Uncomfortunate - a frock looks both uncomfortable and unfortunate

Miss Universe brought back the National Costume Category!

My dear readers, you may or may not be aware that a) the Miss Universe pageant still happens and/or b) they stopped doing the National Costume part of the competition recently. Well it still happens and the National Costumes are BACK! If you've never seen this, you are in for a TREAT. It's basically the Sexy ____ of national pride. Let's see what kind of A games the contestants brought this year!

Miss South Africa!

It goes without saying that all of these women are stunning and poised in front of the cameras and audience. On the scale of National Costumes, this is classy and refined. Don't believe me?

Miss Venezuela!

Venezuela: land of fancy showgirl treees.

Miss Japan!

Did I mention that props are permitted and encouraged? Like, you know, SPEARS?

Miss Australia!

Awkward does not begin to describe the blonde white girl wearing a costume called "Aboriginal Dreamtime sunset."

Miss Ireland!

Sexy Iron Throne.

Miss Korea!

You guys, my mom definitely had a t-shirt from EPCOT Center with this same print.

Miss Chile!

This is the equivalent of the one girl at the Halloween party who has an awesome costume but feels depressed because she's not dressed "sexy." Even though she's definitely wearing spurs, which is incredible.

Miss Kosovo!

Well, it's a version of the Kosovo traditional dress.

St. Lucia

Ditto St. Lucia.

Miss Switzerland!

Oh come on, Switzerland! Did you even TRY?!

Miss USA!

That's more like it! Stars and stripes forever! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Miss Ecuador!

PROPS. Also, looking at this ensemble has made me begin to ponder an important question: how hard is it to decide what kind of shoes to wear with these national costumes? The nude platform pumps seem a little weird here but what else would one choose?

Miss France!

You guys - how tall is she? Also, I absolutely love the fact that she's wearing a beret. Because France.
Edited to add: Thank you to Reader Katya for pointing out what I missed: The Eiffel Tower is leading straight up to her la hooha. Fantastique. 

Miss India!

This is gorgeous and amazing. I have nothing mean to say at all. I am in awe of this costume. If it wasn't for Canada, you would be the winner, Miss India.

YOU GUYS WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE MISS CANADA.

Miss Jamaica!

It's like legs legs legs legs legs FEATHERS teenytinyhead.

Miss Lithuania!

If Cinderella dressed as Rihanna for Halloween.

Miss Dominican Republic!

I guess you can't really show off your rack while dressed as (and wearing a photo of) your country's patron saint.

Miss Spain!

Showing off the rack while dressed as medieval royalty is totally appropriate, though.

Miss Russia!

WOW. You guys, I'm wearing this to my wedding.

Miss Portugal!

Or this. I can't decide. (PS - check it out - PERFECT shoes.)

Miss Sri Lanka!

I was really afraid we'd go through this whole competition without a vagina waterfall. PHEW.

Miss Great Britain!

That is straight up a Sexy Beefeater costume. If you are going to be so OBVIOUS about it, please be more like Canada.

Are you ready?

You are not ready.





It's so good. Here she is..........








Miss Canada! The Best Costume Ever!

GAME OVER. EVERYONE GO HOME. THIS IS INCREDIBLE. C-A-N! C-A-N!

2015 Golden Globes: The WTF

Did you guys see that the Oscar Nomination came out today? That's a lot of white people! Like...they're all white. And the directors are all men. And except for one dude they are all white American men. WOW. How about that.

Oh right, on to the frivolity.

THE WTF!

Jennifer Lopez!

While I appreciate the fact the she constantly looked as though she was emerging from a billowing curtain, it's time for JLo to get a new schtick. As Reader Amy pointed out, the deep V works for smaller-breasted women and here's a great example of why: otherwise you get this horrible "dress poking into the boob" look all night. The eye makeup really puts this over the top in to terror territory for me.

Lorde!

Those pants are FAR from fitting her, but perhaps more importantly, we are not in Madonna's "Express Yourself" video, Lorde.

Jane Fonda!

Some horrible disease seems to be eating away at Jane Fonda's dress, causing her to hold it together with bejeweled safety pins. Stay strong, Jane! You'll get through this!

Julianne Moore!

Remember, please, that the WTF is not always a bad WTF. Sometimes it is fabulous AND crazy. Like this. Head to thighs it's all sorts of age-appropriate Fembot. Thighs down it's silver being spun into feathers. AND YET! She looks better than she's looked in ages. Brava, Julianne.

Emma Stone!

Another one for the fabulous AND crazy column. This is amazingly chic, actually... except for the inexplicable sash of no purpose. Why in the world would you want to negotiate pants AND a train? The mind reels.

Claire Danes!

She looks like she's wearing unflattering sand art.

Keira Knightly!

BED RUFFLES? BUTTERFLY HAND? JANE AUSTEN NIGHTMARE? NO THANK YOU.

Rosamund Pike!

She looks like a half-dressed paper doll. If this wasn't so horrifying it would be the second most hilarious look of the night.

Alan Cumming!

First most hilarious look of the night. And yes, even though he is wearing an entire suit the color of his skin, I cannot help but thinking this is AMAZINGLY FABULOUS. Stay gold, Ponyboy.