My dear readers, how lovely it is to see you again! Like Mariah Carey at Christmas, WTS defrosts once a year to bring the people what they want: the latest in skimpy Halloween costumes! Shout out to longtime readers who sent me photos and videos of some of the dumbest and best Sexy ____ costumes of the year. I am truly, truly touched to be thought of when you see some cake hanging out of a costume. As far as legacies go, this is one to cherish. Eat your heart out, Hamilton.
But first, let us honor the patron saint of this hallowed holiday, David S. Pumpkins.
¿Preguntas?
Okay, considering the Cheshire Cat can sort of disappear different parts of its body at will, it is very funny that parts of a full outfit have been disappeared from this getup. But I do take issue with the fact that they didn't have the model smile, which is kind of the whole Cheshire Cat thing.
Considering recent announcements, it's a tough time to feel good about Sexy Blade. But hey! This costume is generic enough to be Sexy... Matrix Person. I made a vow in 1999 to never watch any Matrix movies, so I have no idea what the character name is, sorry.
How very dare you, Yandy! How very dare! Yandy think tank: Hrrmmmm we have the pattern for the Sexy Leiderhosen. What else could we do with that pattern? What else... hrmmm.... I'VE GOT IT!
But wait! It's a group costume...
This is a new kind of cleavage reveal for Yandy! How creative! But wait... there's more....
Now that the shortage is over and we can truly feel love again, it's time to celebrate by dressing up as a sexy bottle of sauce!
Sexy Spider-Man! Indeed, what CAN brown do for you?
Ain't no virgins lighting no candles tonight, amirite!?
Okay, so this costume is called Slasher but I think maybe it's just the blood part? Like just the wall splatter? I am confused about a knife through the head AND in the hand, too. Is she the killer or the killed? I don't want to have to think this hard about Sexy ____ costumes.
Sexy Beyonce is redundant but I'm bring this to you because... well, because Beyonce, but also because it has a companion piece!
The rare men's Sexy ___ costume with either rarer chaps shorts! I'm beyond delighted!
And this is the other offering for this year's Sexy ____ for men, but could easily work for a Sexy Cavewoman as well! You know what they say about Yandy: versatile.
I mean, I guess that's what we're getting at with this costume? I actually watched that movie (from behind my hands, cowered in fear on the couch) so maybe I'm trying to shoehorn this in. Whatever, it's a Sexy Religious Person Of Some Sort. Credit where it's due: the boob crosses are very funny.
Sexy Elphaba! And nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring Yandy down! Option up!
Sexy G(a)linda!
One thing's for sure: you. will. be. popular!
It is dangerous to hoe alone. Take this. (I'll see myself out.)
In this case, I cannot make a better joke that what Yandy has actually called this costume so here you go: Hoeing in the Air. (I'll see Yandy out.) Not this costume being the medicine pen! Many thanks and love to the dear readers who reached out to make sure I saw this one. It's so dumb. I love it.
The mystery! The intrigue! The table cloth skirt! The legs on the neck!
This is a niche joke but I assure you it's very funny.
Okay, the photo is cropped - do you think she's holding actual Starbucks cups and they had to cut them out of the picture for copyright reasons? Like the same reason this costume is "Starstruck Mermaid"??? We all know that one of the best parts of non-licensed Halloween costumes is what they have to name them so cosumers know the intention without getting sued by the trademark holders. I think this model lost her hands over some coffee cups!
Another year, another Sexy Space Princess. But I had to include this to set the tone because there are some new Sexy Star Wars lewks this year and ... well, just put down your apple cider preemptively.
It does not come with the perfectly matching wig but it does come with, per the product description, "iconic headpiece." In the words of Ziwe: Sexy Yoda, you'd be an iconic guest.
THE BUCKET HAT! THE BUCKET HAT COMES WITH THE COSTUME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sexy Stanley Cup! This is SO so stupid, I love it. I love the handle on the glove. I love the straw coming directly out of the head. This is the dumbest costume of the year and I am here for it!
Sexy Grimace! We did it, Joe! For years, I have been calling for a Sexy Grimace costume and it's finally here. I cannot believe it took the goddamn Mets to make this happen but, you know, when you make wishes it's important to specify the details around the wish. Otherwise you get a Sexy Grimace costume only because the Phillies lost the NL East. Whatever, a win is a win.
Happy Halloween!
